libby's profile

libby avatar
AGE: 19
LAST LOGIN: October 06

Really, I’m probably not all that different from you.

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Items
Poetry / that line
Version 1
9 Reviews   2 Comments
Holding my hand in the parking lot and I skip over gritty yellow lines. Promise me you'll buy me lunch and really that's all I need. Later I take your hand in mine and, bored, I study it. Polished slick nails, a shiny ring, lots of smooth, soft skin. Lines in your palm, you let me open and close your hand to watch them crumple and bloom. Walking to the store with a friend without you for the first time ever. Lines in the sidewalk - (don't step on a crack or you'll break your mother's back...)...
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Poetry / zoo
Version 1
8 Reviews   0 Comments
There is a poem here, I know it. Somewhere, locked behind the glass with the tortoises. We watched them make love. There was something human about them... did I leave that poem in his open mouth, her passive stance? Did it wriggle underneath the sand, the rock, so as not to intrude? We were intruders enough. I think it followed us home. It followed you and whispered in your ear, told you, while you were half asleep, dreaming, and still half drunk to pull at my panties. Too tired to move, we f...
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Poetry / Little music...
Version 1
8 Reviews   3 Comments
Little music... featherspeckled, crested and rosy cheeked. Incessant twisting skull, incandescent black glass eyes. We won't touch you, little music, we promise, if you only sing for us the way you sing to birds outside. Twitter and laugh for fat brown sparrows, pretty finches. Caw the crows away and beckon in cardinals. So effulgent and evanescent, draw them in for us. Little lonely music, maybe you know... your sky's encased in window screens. Tree bark polished smooth, always seeds in your...
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Poetry / a little crazy
Version 1
7 Reviews   2 Comments
We trudged through the marsh and wet grass to dig up your grave. We found it empty, we sure didn't find you there. It ain't no big thing, hey. Never thought we'd see you again and I didn't really want you mud-crusted old and rotten. Your lady, she went and sold off your farm. No place to go for anyone no more, she bought a little blue house and keeps the goats in a shack with a floor made of shit. I just want to know: is that okay with you? If she goes a little crazy? I saw you once in a clou...
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Short Story / Hands
Version 1
32 Reviews   11 Comments
Hands 2/21/08 She has beautiful hands. Graceful and fluid, she traces them over my body and it makes me alive. I never see her attend to them - no nail files, scissors, lotions. Maybe that's something she does in private, but it almost seems more likely that it's just a natural radiance, God-given, that makes the skin so fine, nails so neat, palms so tender. Sometimes I take them up and study them, roll them over in front of my face, manipulate the digits, while she lies languid on the bed by...
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Reviews
Poetry / Reality Biter
Locked
Poetry / Betamax
And a very nice attempt it is! It's just subtle enough, and still manages to be very sexy. A few things - I don't know if you should use the word "sunrise" twice in such a short poem. I know you're trying to make a sort of comparison, but it really stuck out to me and put me off. Maybe try a synonym, like daybreak or something like that? Produce = produced? An eyes = an eye? And I don't think you need the comma there either, the line break does it for you. The comma after dawn could also be c...
General impression: confusing. Quite well-written, but still confusing. First thing is you're drowning in references. It's probably because I'm young, but there were a few I didn't catch, and it seems like you're using the references to breathe life to a poem that otherwise might not have enough to survive on its own. Also, the Freud reference didn't seem to fit, because (most of) the rest had to do in some way with television (hence the title?) Freud, along with the descriptions of ghetto an...
Poetry / Between
I can see that this poem is full of emotion, but you're not making me feel it for myself, which is what truly good poetry should do. You're describing emotions and a state of mind, but without details about how you got there, it's hard to connect with. A better poem would be about the process in which you came to feel this way (yes, it does require a lot more psychological effort, but it's worth it) rather than just that you do. I'm just aching for a "why" in this poem.
Poetry / Perception Point
Remove every instance of the word "its". This is the only thing that's standing between you showing us the images and you telling us the images. Also, with so many its, I'm wondering just what "it" is. I'd revise the first stanza like this... A sweet sad sound bubbles up seeping from under my skin, leaving a shiny netting on the ground. You have lots of little filler words you don't need, best to remove them. And you're right, you do need something to connect these images. Maybe try relating ...