lightningeyes's profile

AGE: 29
LOC: Minneapolis, MN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 28

Hello world! I’m new to this site, so still learning the ropes a bit. Currently working on a piece called “Letters from the Edge of Life”, so for now, everything I post will be excerpts from that.

Traditionally, I am a fiction lover (Horror and suspense tickle my interests the most.) I do not tend to read biographies (although I will if they come with good word of mouth). I also tend to shy away from poetry and what I call “high arch literature”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a moron, and I can understand and appreciate intelligent writing. But most of the time I just want entertainment without deep thoughts.

So, yeah…that is me. Hopefully I can gain some good insight on my own writing, and meet some new interesting people at the s…

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Version 1

15 Reviews 9 Comments

Prologue A small tear rolled down her tender cheek and fell into the black, swirling water below. She squinted through her freezing eyelashes to see the mix of ice, water, and rocks beneath the bridge. If there had been a bit more light, Lisa was sure it would have been a photographic moment worth pausing to capture, but the street lamp didn’t illuminate the world quite enough. A small snicker escaped her lips as she realized the absurdity of the situation. Here I am, Lisa thought. My ...

Interesting Storyline/Plot?

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by JackElric

Had to read it a couple times through to understand the shifts in perspective. After I grasped what you were doing, it seems like a grand idea. Work on making those transitions a bit more solid and clear, so that a reader doesn't have to re-read too much to get it. I had a small bit of confusion with names. "Placing Jack's gift next to the sleeping child on the bed..." -this line, as it is written, suggests that the father's name is Jack, not Alan. Try something like: "Placing Alan's gift on ...

by judy

"rattling of keys" do keys rattle? I think they clink more than rattle. "as the sound of a key turning in the lock" to make this more dynamic, try "the click of the key turning in the lock" instead of just saying "sound" "Hope the city of Dallas enjoyed the free air conditioning" a forced line to show location. To make it flow more naturally, remove "the city of" and just say 'Hope Dallas enjoyed...' Still will sound forced, but less so. "inhaled the scent of the burnt wood and ash." is this ...

by IllianaRhea

A couple things to keep in mind: 1) There is a difference between "Old English" and "Shakespearean" Old Willy made up his own language. And all the "whilst" and "doth", nay an Old English poem make. 2) Samhain isn't all about bats and spiders and the creepy things that make their way into Halloween. It isn't about ghosts and demons either. That being said. The poem itself reads alright. "keeps day at bay" -maybe light instead of day (would read better) "Of occult steel" -what is occult steel?...

100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)

by deathspeaker

Section 2: He pawed the the wall until his hand found the tiny switch. -the the One by one, each of the overhead lights blasted on, as if each had been blasted with a small bolt of lightning, giving them life. -blasted, blasted Section 3: The house lights had dimmed and spotlights -lights dimmed (remove had) Section 4 (the play): I will carry these on the day I am married -"I will carry these at my wedding." Section 5: He was suddenly aware of how cold the floor tiles were under his bare feet...

by Alma_Libre

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by Mdhuilin