There was far too much dialogue in here. I think that you should have had a lot less dialogue in a story like this. It could actually be a good story if you just used more of your talent describing. You could have even had the characters describing the story in the dialogue. That would have been creative, and it would give the reader some idea of what's actually going on. On a lighter note, this line was worded very well: "The monster screamed some more and lunged forward. Studly punched a ha...

I think that you could definitely turn this into something bigger. You've got a great idea here...It just needs a bit of work. First off, I have to say that for being translated, you did a very good job. Even though there were slight errors, I could still understand what you were trying to say. With that said, here is what you need to work one: "No feeling, forever. Just the flies" (I think this would work better as one sentence. "just the flies." is an incomplete sentence...So try, "No feeli...

This was a really powerful, and inspirational piece. The last line, where you said, " And if my life was to be swept away And the world never heard this song from me I know God heard it loud and clear" was absolutely beautiful. You used great imagery throughout the piece, and you were very descriptive. I didn't really see anything that needed work. You did a wonderful job.

It seemed a bit drawn out. I think maybe, you should chop it up a bit. I do like the way you were very descriptive in a poem like this...It takes a lot of work to describe a poem in a poem. I like the idea behind this, and I think it has great potential. My favorite line in this piece has to be, "sometimes the point is— no point." Those words are very powerful. They do not only apply to poetry, but life as well. Since you are already aware that you have a lot of grammatical errors, I'm not go...

I think that you should go further with this. It started out pretty interesting...You really drew me in. But the end isn't really an ending. It seemed like you just stopped writing in the middle of the story and said, "that's it...I'm done." You should finish it, definitly. I think you should clean it up a bit though. For instance, "I was gonna step head first into some of that prime pussy he could barely remember so vividly." The word pussy just isn't tasteful. If you want to be taken seriou...

At first I couldn't really see where this was going. But the end was nice. I wouldn't say that it was amazing...But it was nice. That's not a bad thing though, I did enjoy reading this piece. However, I feel that there could be more to it. There were a couple of things that I didn't understand. For instance, did Cherelle know what Ronnell was doing? Also, I don't really understand e-books very much...But if the customers were to purchase them, and download them, wouldn't it ONLY download to R...

I enjoyed the topic. I am a gay rights activist so this immediately drew me in. But I think it was too short. This could be something great...but it's SO short, therefore it's forgettable. I will say though, that it was very well written. I could see it in a newspaper now. In these two sentences, you DO NOT need semicolons yet they are there anyway: ”Maggie Mayor from the YMCA showed up and so did Karen Parker, Senior Youth Worker for Paignton who was thrilled be part of the campaign(;) as sh...

I'm a bit confused by this. Was it meant to be journalism or short story? Your criteria says "Publishable SHORT STORY" but you put this in the journalism category. It doesn't really feel like journalism to me. I think that it would be better suited in the Journal, Diary, & Blogging category or something like that. This piece was very well written though. It was an interesting read. There were a couple of little errors though: "Any way..." -That should be one word. "grand children" -Is one wor...

This was written beautifully. The theme that even something long forgotten can influence people's every day lives, is just brilliant! I enjoyed the fact that it wasn't ridiculously fantasy. It was just right. With that said, I'm just going to list the things that need work for you. Here they are: When Medicine Woman is talking Silent Wings, all I saw when I read it is Ben Stine dressed as a woman speaking to Silent Wings...No emotion, no actions. It was boring. Be as descriptive as you possib...

I have to admit, I'm not at all a fan of Sci-Fi. But this was amazing! I think that your story is definitely publishable. No doubt about it. The plot line was wonderful! I can tell that you put a lot of hard work into this, and that makes it ten times better because the readers see how dedicated your are to your work. With that aside, I'm just going to list the few things that need work. In the first chapter you are very descriptive, and that is not a bad thing at all. But I feel that you are...