lluuiiissaa's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Oklahoma City, OK
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 14
LOC: Oklahoma City, OK
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 14
I write in hopes that others will enjoy what I’ve written and say to themselves “wow, that was a good story.”
Items
Version 1
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I let myself in his house using the key they hid under a rock, as I used to. His mom was out of town tonight. I remembered a long time ago, when we’d talk as we did every time I’d go over there, she told me how excited she was to go to this convention. It was 2 or so hours away and I forgot what it was for, but I can still see the excitement in his mom’s eyes when she told me about it. And that was where she was tonight. I wiped my eyes of their fresh tears that I didn’t want Sam to see. I ha...
Version 2
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The first time I remember hearing Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven I was sitting in my room quietly playing with my dolls. I stopped playing and listened to the laments of the piano my mother played. I’d never heard the song before, just as I hadn’t heard many other songs she played. Its haunting rhythm filled the air as I sat in silence just listening. She played it differently than she did other songs. It sounded as if she had given her soul to the music. The other songs she’d play sounded reh...
Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
I walked until I came to the familiar four-way. One way led to Sam’s, the other to Matt’s. The third, our ice cream shop. The fourth route…well, was thoroughly unexplored. Up until now I’ve never had a reason to travel down that way. Today was that day. It was just a little chilly outside, even though it wasn’t quite fall yet. I crossed my arms and walked strong against the wind. Leaves scatted along the sidewalk. I stepped on them making a satisfying crunch noise under my feet. This new rout...
Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
Samantha looked in the mirror, gazing at her messy appearance. She combed her fingers through the unfamiliar short, dull, brown locks on her head and wiped the black from under her eyes. She looked down at the mess she had caused and tried to dismiss the dire consequences that led to it. She began straightening up the bed, trying to forget the scene she had just witnessed. She pulled back the sheets and found, to her disgust, a used condom. Tears welled up in her eyes again. She used the lac...
Version 1
11 Reviews
16 Comments
1. I am like a crystal. You look at first and see just a crystal. It’s pretty, but nothing special. But when you shine a light through it, millions of colors surge through it and escape its prism reflecting more radiance than the human eye could ever hold. I stopped for a moment to stand and listen to the world go by. Sometimes I’d close my eyes and simply feel the feeling of being alive. I stood there looking at my surroundings, admiring every detail of every thing. I picked a leaf off of a...
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Reviews
the title alone drew instant interest in this piece. the whole thing seems sort of dream like at first but just as the green fog clears away in the store the drunken haze clears away as we come to find she's not really an angel (i really thought it was.) the voice of kevin throughout the whole thing is great. when brucey first speaks (dow on da flaw) i thought it was some gangsta guy but you quickly cleared it up he was mentally unstable. the relationships between the characters are nicely bu...
although this could make for a really sad story it needs work. the characters need some building upon so that the diagnosis of a brain tumor and his death will really effect the audience emotionally. the suicide line opens up a whole nother story but before that story could begin the story of tate needs to be better told. there was so much detail about her abusive dad history so i thought thats what the story would be about. but when it came to tate there wasnt much detail. if you went a litt...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
although this is a bit cliched, you've written it well. i loved the description of mama but i feel thats a sort of stereotype of the beautiful mama and the dad leaving with the child wondering why
this is perfect. i assume he's some type of emo. i loved the world of warcraft line and the melodramaticness of the whole piece. i thought at first it was his girlfriend or someone of the sort and i found it weird for him to even be with someone not like him. but the line at the end of how its his mother was a great ender
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
the whole erection thing stuck out (hah) and really grabbed attention. it made you realize he's not just some chef cooking and made me literally say what the hell. but in a good way. i love paul. his paralyzed hand yet attractive description makes him mysterious. i was appalled when he thought he tasted good. there are so many twists. i didnt realize his name was actually pastrami...thats so ridiculous but it works so well in this story. pauls whole demeanor changes at work though. he seemed ...
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