lostthunder's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Wichita Falls, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 21
LOC: Wichita Falls, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 21
hmm…what to put down? i like to think of myself as an intelligent, open minded, slightly repressed, clinically messed up in the head, but an all around nice guy. ive been writing what i like to say is poetry for quite a while. people have said that im pretty good, but id like to know what other writers think. ive dabbled in short stories, done a few of those, and ive been working on a “book” for a while. but that is definitly a work in progress. any other questions comments or concerns, hit me up. not sure what else to jot down here. (they leave it pretty much to the imagination dont they ???) LATER
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
5 Comments
my heart trembles at your presence oh, to be in love with your essence i see you float along the floor like so many others have before thoughts of love trigger in me not what most would ever see people often speak of seeing stars when the only thing i see are scars memories of what has been passed so many lovely notions have been cast but i know all too well whats to come things so unimaginable to some thoughts of darkness, the pain thoughts of tears, oh, the rain seeing more than red velvet ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
10 Reviews
5 Comments
July 13, 2007 The story you are about to experience is real. No names have have been changed because there is no one to protect; no one is innocent. Innocence, what an outmoted idea. Why is this concept still alive? Why is the word even still in the language? Why does any one person still assume that there is still innocence in this world? Innocence projects lack of guilt in one form ar another. But I know now that everyone is, or will be, guilty of some mortal sin throughout life. Whether th...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
3 Reviews
1 Comment
Sirens in the silence Voices in my head All helping me through My pain and my dread Hearing the past scream All too close it seems For it to be the past Pain will always last I cant believe All that I've felt But now the sadness Starts to melt Feeling the pain Driving me sane Screaming at the rain Nothing to gain Living to die Starting to cry Asking me why I'm wanting to die Nothing to live for But still I live Trying to see all I have to give But the sun breaks the clouds Giving what happine...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
My dreams are never reality Though I wish hard for them to be That would end this brutality That has consumed all of me As confused as the riddle I ask I wander around in a daze All the time trying to mask That I am trapped in a maze CHORUS: Confusion! It lives inside me! Every thought of every day Just dreaming to go away Confusion! It lives inside me! Why cant i see all i feel Why cant i feel what is real I'm trying to take all of my shots All in the dark and far away I try to confront the ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
3 Reviews
3 Comments
i feel like i am lifted soaring free through the clouds looking down upon the earth and those i love and hold dear i feel like i am flying escaping from my past but always looking back to see it looking back to stay afloat to learn from what grounded me before all the things that clipped my wings my wings have grown once again what do i do to keep them whole ? what can i do to keep me flying ? as i fly, i look upon the earth am i now leaving more behind ? more than my past ? am i leaving thos...
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man, i am right there with ya. i believe that EVERYONE has at least 5 things wrong with them according to the latest psychology books. therefore everyone is crazy, demented, depressed, or have "a problem paying attention". i think we should all just embrace our own craziness and leave others to their own demons. besides, isn't it more fun to let your mind wander? and these are the thoughts that keep me out of the really good schools. keep the craze. LATER
"mere 2 parnons ago (thats a month to you Human kind.)"-it may be better to leave out these type of explanations. normally in an "other time" type fiction, there isn't an explanation behind the language used. the reader is left to figure things out, and as long as you don't throw in too much of it, it won;t get confusing. "Shooly?” she asked inquisitively."-there are parts where the description gets redundant. how else would you ask if not inquisitively? there are other examples, but... anywa...
one - shorten the sentences a little. the second paragraph consisted of two long winded and a little hard to read sentences. you could easily break those up some more. use of transitional words are fine, but in moderation. though your visions painted are very nice and thorough, it almost gets lost in the lines. punctuation has it's place. "Slipping his legs through the pants legs," - "Slipping his legs through the pants/jeans" it just seemed a little redundant to have legs in there twice. and...
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