excuse my ignorance, but i dont get it. im sure theres something behind this. some inspiration, but i dont know the origin. my only question is, why turn from the well played language in the first 2 stanzas and just thrust the reader into something out of hustler. (no pun intended) anyway, um, yeah

From the fog, a figure, hunched, - swith the last two words perhaps. though the description of the "dark" figure is nicely worded, it is a dark night. how could any details be known to Ruth until the figure was closer to the car, especially with the woman shining a light in Ruth's eyes? you could keep the description but place it after the window is rolled down. "The bed would have stared back, had it eyes, but it didn’t, so instead it simply remained stationary in the center of the room, bei...

as a song, i can hear it. its hard to get the rythym to just the words, but i like the message and the way its written. coaxing someone to give into their own curiosities to satisfy both parties. i liked the image painted of fear of the unknown and the longing to beat fear. nicely written. wish i had more to say...

all the images were very well played. and i know how hard it is to find rhyming words sometimes, so i applaud you. i felt the pian and anger that the writer/narrator felt. only thing im not clear on, who set the fire? "Throw the match, light the fire Turn our history into a pyre" this seems almost like a command or a dare to someone else. but then it comes out that the writer was standing outside the fire. either way, it was nicely done, thanx for sharing

again, this is still a good piece. i see that the suggestions were taken to heart. sweet. i really like the taunting nature of this. calling someone out because they think they are so much better than you. its speaks volumes, and again, good work my friend.

at first glance, it doesnt seem like much, until you take the title into account. then it all comes together. is this meant to call to the lack of inspiration and the fleeting glimpse that one gets? it reads to me that it is like an elusive little creature that just narrowly evades. i dunno, thats just how i got it. i really do like the personification though. giving form to a thought. i personally didnt quite understand the last part. does that mean that even when you catch the creature, no ...

without knowing too much more than just what i've read, i like it. the characters are well played and the descriptions you give are great. the interaction between Vanessa and the rest of the cast is done really well, playing out like something you would actually see in life. obviously there are a few typos, an extra letter here, missing letter there. but all that normally comes out in the wash. there arent any structural problems that distract from the story, despite the typos. id like to kno...

this definitely would be something to enter as a letter to the editor of some travel magazine. and it just screams at the passage of one generation navigational system(i.e. the co-pilot) to the next gen style(aka the devilish little imp known as GPS) i laughed the whole way through. since this is a personal story, its hard to critique. i loved the interactions between you and yours. it was brilliant to say the least. i know this doesnt help much, but it was indeed an amusing story. thanx

short sweet and to the point. and that point is huge. i like that you differentiate between that which is natural and that which is synthetic. and the way you depict it beautiful. the image of an early morning sunrise brings to mind so many thoughts. and then to have it destroyed right before your eyes. despite a few typos, this was near flawless to me. thank you

what can i really say to this? except that i loved it. i have a weird sense of humor, therefore i chuckled heartily at this. itll make others squirm due to the fact that it is all invariably true. i love the use of biblical references in this. naked greed, fig leaf of democracy was one of the best. and the Abraham sacrifice, perfect. "You can’t win if you don’t play, so play by our rules" this is my fave line though. wow, i really cant say enough without repeating myself, so ill stop good wor...