luckywishbone's profile

The meter struggles, but the emotions and meaning adheres well for overall of your theme. It is my opinion that this piece would come on stronger if you'd run with the rebellion going on to free oneself and skip the doubts especially the last line. "wait a minute that won’t be it" bad syntax here I liked the message, it's a good poem I can relate to.

Very funny and the theme made sense. The rhythm pattern is a little off but doesn't seem to get too much in the way. Do you know what I mean by rhythm? da DUM da da DUM da da DUM..etc.