macabre_'s profile
AGE:
14
LOC: Tallahassee, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 24
LOC: Tallahassee, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 24
I am young. I know this, and as do you.
Put it aside for a moment and see me as a human being, not one to-be.
Items
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I'm stirred from my slumber, there's a knock at the door. Is this your fault? I glare at the phone: nothing's new. I'm on my tip-toes, reaching for the peephole. I'm a mole too short, as I'm becoming used to. Breath in deep, and I listen, play it coy, and I try to follow, don't let him win, and I know I'm fated to disobey myself. Regardless, I open the door, iron breastplates on. Just the mailman. I'm paranoid. I think. I think I've got paranoia of being paranoid. Is there a name for that? I ...
Version 1
3 Reviews
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The most meaningful things go unsaid.
Version 1
2 Reviews
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Learning to speed amongst Sunday drivers.
Version 1
6 Reviews
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Shameless. You put on this illusion That you wear perfection Around your neck. You've perfected The accidentally beautiful look, Hoping no one will notice That you are nothing, Without your false tragedy, Without your terribly sad alibi. Your picket-fence teeth Turn to shards of glass. Your smooth, glowing skin Turns ghastly pale and translucent. The sparkle in your eyes Turns to wrath and hatred. You are not the simplistic, loving person You convinced everyone you are. Without your faucet-bo...
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
Would I be right in assuming You scoff at modesty? Could I correctly say That your vanity is almost as strong as your cheap colgne? Can it be said That your ignorance is as buyable As the lies you campaign? If you answered no to any of the above I'll have you know: the only person who isn't laughing in your face is yourself.
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Reviews
A lot of this made me laugh, and a lot of it made me think, and a lot more still made me want to weep, hailing the gorgeous metaphors and hyperboles and similes and vocabulary. I haven't any criticism; Criticizing criticism is an interesting topic, however. You took an English lesson and made it fun to read. That, I promise you, is a challenge, and buried at mile marker five.
The horror obviously hasn't set in yet, but it's clearly setting up. The said office has an eerie tone, and I wasn't scrolling down to see how much was left. It has flow and style, and consistency. Overall, it's really good: I'd say 85%.
that was quite interesting. Unlike most novel treatments, you wrote this honestly and humorously. I think you nailed tons of people on the Beauty Pageant, including me. People tend to lean toward Said-Book-Itis as well and I'm glad you acknowledged those two common mistakes. Tons of people are rejected for them and it's a hard habit to break. This was enlightening and fun to read, as fiction treatments should be. T hanks for this :D
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