not bad. I gave sixes and sevens. I don't feel like the last line fits. I also was unsure of the "tickling game". It hadn't been mentioned anywhere else in the writing, and when it was mentioned I felt that it was assumed, that your reader was supposed to know what it inferred. I *did* know what it meant, but I thought it could have been brought up somehow before to make the concept more familiar. How did it go from molestation to abuse? Was there some kind of trigger? It seemed to shift gear...

Fun. In the second stanza, it seems contradictory that you would be sinking, and at the same time scared of floating away. I am especially fond of the last bit.

wow. just wow. when you have a cigarette stained with another mans life was by far a punch packed line...and it hit me in the solar plexus. this takes my breath away.

This has some really tangible elements. I definitely notice when someone breaks out the MA'AM, and it really makes me want to turn around and see if they're talking to some other older person behind me, and then I realize-- again-- that I am the older person... I have absolutely nothing on the first stanza, it's damn near perfect.In the second part, I would thrown in the word YOUR before the word nephews..it just clarifies the whole idea, and wouldn't mess with the cadence. You start glancing...

I am not usually a horror fan, but I really liked this this piece! I was actually sad to see where it ended! I notice a lot of extra question marks where they don't need to be , some structure issues, but I am sure that if you manage to attract an agent they will help you sort all of that out. Also, pages 39 and 40 are the same--I am sure this has already been mentioned, but I am afraid I missed the whole last page in the chapter due to that... I would love to read more of this! Feel free to ...

I am sorry, I wasn't much of a fan of this. A lot of the rhyming seemed forced...I did like the idea behind it, I definitely think you have something to work with.

I liked this poem, warm and fuzzy.

I really like this. I am uncertain as to the particular subject matter, but it didn't change the fact that it definitely resonated with me. I only have one complaint, it's the use of the word strong 4 times in three lines. For some reason though, it DID make me think of diamonds...which I found interesting.

I like this quite a bit. I love your use of metaphor, the car, staying though we're dying. Very vivid, and a topic we all can relate to.

This is pretty good. I was a little bothered by the use of both Pantera, and panthera...but no real reason why...although there are probably a hundred different words for big cats. I was surprised by the last line, it definitely reshaped what I thought I was reading. I realized then that "remembering" she lives on the second floor sounds a little anonymous for (referring to) your best friend. I like your use of metaphor and simile. Overall- well written, descriptive, a good read.