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malevolent's profile
AGE:
100
LOC: Djibouti
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 03
LOC: Djibouti
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 03
Don’t worry about offending me, I hate my writing more than you
Items
Version 3
3 Reviews
0 Comments
twelve thousand years of love and war lay scattered around my feet an old tea bag rests upon a pair of chopsticks perched high above on a mountain of porcelain faces of heroes stare elegantly into the abyss quietly revealing the secrets of the future pyramids of contemplation, stacked word by word in order of procrastination, gently shielding my eyes
Version 2
4 Reviews
0 Comments
twelve thousand years of love and war lay scattered around my feet an old tea bag rests upon a pair of chopsticks perched high above on a mountain of porcelain faces of heroes stare elegantly into the abyss quietly revealing the secrets of the future pyramids of contemplation, stacked word by word in order of procrastination, gently shielding the my eyes
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
twelve thousand years of love and war lay scattered around my feet an old tea bag rests upon a pair of chopsticks perched high above on a mountain of porsilen faces of heros stare elegantly into the abis quietly revealing the secrets of the future pyramids of contemplation, stacked word by word in order of procrastination, gently sheilding the my eyes
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
I have come to the conclusion that my sanity is questionable Of course many people say this- oddly its has almost become a trend
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
I stumble outside, still drunk and partially naked, in hopes of clearing my headache. Starring over the bridge from my balcony I spot two lovers walking down the path. It's a struggle just to stand, let alone concentrate. My depression grabs a hold of me like an animal; my head begins to throb, battering my conciseness until I loose control and fall—again. When I awake, I am coupled with a pile of fallen chairs and broken glass, but still oblivious to pain. The image of the lovers is burnt in...
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Reviews
Well first I think I have heard that title somewhere before. The poem. I think it has some interesting concepts: the Trojan cloak, the dominate use of feelings and action. There poem is kind of split between wanting to be "touched" and moving away or even hiding from the person or people. Overall not bad, your point isn't clear, but is still fun
This is a cute story, although it is still a little rough around the edges. I think your descriptions were pretty decent and your grammar/structure wasn't half bad either. My only advise is to keep reading and eventually you should be able to work out some of the kinks. overall 7
I hate sappy love stuff--I really do. But this I liked and I liked it a lot. THere is a line that most love poems cross that surpasses reality. This has a very good dose of reality in the beginning and a well played dose of hope in the end. I think you did a very good job of explaining the journey of life to find love and the reason that love is special. Well written.
I only have one suggestion, maybe change L18 to I hope he makes it through the night It changes your 6 lines a stanza, but when I read that line it left me hanging on for another word or two. This feels a little more comfortable for english. Anyway this is an interesting song, i would love to hear it live. Maybe if you record it someday post a link.
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