malyshka's profile

malyshka avatar
AGE: 13
LOC: Antarctica
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 11

Don’t worry about offending me, I don’t like my writing either…..

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Short Story / casual visit
Version 2
2 Reviews   0 Comments
I decided that tonight was a good time for a visit. I washed my face, grabbed my pipe, and headed down the road. By a quarter of I was sitting on the big blue coach in your front yard; eventually the casual conversation progressed into my personal life. I thought this might have been a good time to come out and tell you the truth, but your reaction scared me. I mean, yea I live by myself and haven't been on a date is six years--what's the big deal. If you would just stop asking so many damn q...
Ratings & Rankings
Criticism / change
Version 2
3 Reviews   1 Comment
America how I hate thee I wish there never was You killed everyone and you still kill for love of money for love of power America you kill the environment the polar bears you kill the children America is not a nation it is a corruption and it needs change America needs hope not oil If it were not for America the world would be better off -O
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Urbis 2
Version 1
1 Review   2 Comments
I have been ostracized My poems My stories Even my comments are denied Urbis you are the culprit Block my submissions I will not stop writing For those of you who enjoy poetical companionship be careful Urbis does not accept anti-socialist commentary
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Urbis
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Once when I was very small I found a web page where I could express my thoughts But I was wrong Poetry is poetry But conservatism is wrong I was 13 And a proud American Urbis was older than I And didn't want anyone who talked out against socialist garbage I still write But no one is able to see because Urbis hates me
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / casual visit
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
I decided that tonight was a good time for a visit. I grabbed my pipe, washed my face, and headed down the road. By a quarter of I was sitting on the big blue coach in you front yard; eventually the casual conversation progressed into my personal life. I thought this might have been a good time to come out and tell you the truth, but your reaction scared me. I mean, yea I live alone and haven't been on a date is six years--what's the big deal. If you would just stop asking so many damn questi...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
It is pretty negative, there is some truth to it. Personally I think curse words are used because of lack of a strong vocabulary, but I know where your going w/ this.
Haiku/Senryu / Last Night
Not very deep, but enjoyable. There is a good story here but there just isn't enough to really make me understand, it is pretty close, but just not close enough. L2 has some good imagery. Overall maybe a 7.
Poetry / Painting Walls
This is a very strong piece, and I only have one small suggestion. I know it seems like correct punctuation, but the comma after Paris needs to go. It made me pause and it ruined the tempo. Anyway this has some very descriptive imagery, and a great storyline. Thank you for sharing. I'll give it a 9
Poetry / Denial
I think that this has a great story in it, very realistic. A few suggestions. After "a few weeks" needs a comma and the a period after more. In L4 you have tense issues, "it was" then you say "I am." The next line might sound better if you say "Then it started pouring" or something like that. L8 is understandable, but doesn't have the same rhythm as the rest of the poem. The last two lines are great. Good piece!
Poetry / Sleepless
I think this has some decent description of hte torment that is associated with insomnia. You could benefit by breaking the lines up so that each thought is expressed by itself and not tangled into an endless array of lines.
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