mannequingirl has no favorites yet.
mannequingirl's profile
AGE:
50
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 21
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 21
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
It is now August The long evening of summer I am still inside.
Version 1
24 Reviews
5 Comments
I have two sons, but I can’t remember their names. There’s lots of things I can’t remember anymore, like who I am, and who I used to be, and where my arms and hands and fingers are. That’s one of the reasons I’m here at Seabury. It’s not a bad place, as far as hospitals go. I know I used to live with my sons in a big house Somewhere in America. And I know I was with them, that I was their Mother, for a very long time. I remember their births and I remember teaching them the alphabet and how ...
Version 1
7 Reviews
1 Comment
“VISTA” Having arrived at the edge of this precipice I can begin to see that the road Would have ended here however I came But I would have chosen This particular emptiness By an altogether different path Assuming, of course, That it would have been better To arrive here like the others Carried along by wind or river In the snow that falls from mountain tops Or the rain that, having fallen Rises up again From dew on fields of morning grass In the mist that floats like chimney smoke Above the ...
Version 1
8 Reviews
1 Comment
“DELAYED SORROW” Beneath the broken mirror of the sea Blue waves crash against the shores Tilting sunken ships Opening their doors For the woman in white Who rises from the water Searching for her daughter Every morning you can see her Combing the sea with impotent bones Rheumatoid and arthritic Unbounded by skin She’s just a skeleton And so very thin That she cannot remember Where her daughter has been Her skull rolls along the sand Searching for its teeth Or bobbles on the water’s edge A ch...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
Interesting story with lots of potential. The concept is great (made me think of a kind of existential anorexia; how the accumulation of the lies pushes her further away from partaking/participating in life to the point that she literally fades away). Some of the images are vivid and compelling (the lies turning/chruning end over end like taffy is superb!). Things to work on: 1. Most of the writing is in passive voice, which has the effect of the story being told from a distance. Consider usi...
Very interesting in an absurd, delightful way. You can shorten the title to "Fall Fashion," since the first sentence covers the info that you're on a date. The first paragraph is great - it could stand on its own as micro-fiction. The 2nd pgraph...the line "we had a lot to talk about." Maybe stronger to say something like, "we had too much to talk about, so I started with the mundane." The "Fashion, Baby" seems a little incongruous with her alleged worry that "shit, he hates it." Maybe strong...
This is a poem worth reading. I was drawn into it from the start and stayed absorbed throughout most of it, although at times it seemed closer to a piece of flash fiction than a poem. I'd consider trying that form just to see... All of the Wisconsin stuff is wonderful; it's rich with feeling and sentiment and provides a great contrast to Persian Gulf images. I read it several times and wasn't sure if he was American-born. It seems to me that he's not, with his amber skin and all the things he...
Good irony - that it it "always" happens, and always still surprises us.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
















