I have lots of suggestions/questions for you to consider (I've read/reviewed one or two installments), but I don't want to use up a bunch of your credits so I'll send them in an email.

I think there's too much plot information in the 1st pgraph and that the details could be condensed. Also, you should strive for a better (and grammatically correct) lst sentence. Give Alexandra a sense of accomplishment, perhaps, make her the Sherlock Holmes (or some such reference) of vampire hunters. Her discovery seems HUGE, that Cain is the origin of vampirism, although the word choice of "origin" seems vague. Is he the father? demi-gor? some such thing? ARe they his descendants? Be spec...

The language and imagery is very nice and sometime beautiful; I especially like the final lines. Your spelling is not standard English, but your language is sophisticated, so I'm not sure if you're from a different country than America. Send me an email if you want a line by line spelling adjustment. The sentiment is lovely here!

This is well written and very compelling. The images are clear and distinct and each verse tells a new part of the epic. Loved the "green moons for eyes" line and many others as well. Most of the poem suggests (to me) the end of a relationship - that "she" simply left without a word. But the last verse suggests death and I was surprised by that. Personally, I would end the poem three lines earlier, ... sucked through a straw. That's such a stark image and a great ending. I like the last three...

...and you did. This is great, like a joke with a delayed punchline. "Life's" instead of "lifes" and ; instead of a comma will give it a great shot at Brevity/Wit (or, consider manufacturing bumper stickers and selling them on the web!).

Good irony - that it it "always" happens, and always still surprises us.

This is a poem worth reading. I was drawn into it from the start and stayed absorbed throughout most of it, although at times it seemed closer to a piece of flash fiction than a poem. I'd consider trying that form just to see... All of the Wisconsin stuff is wonderful; it's rich with feeling and sentiment and provides a great contrast to Persian Gulf images. I read it several times and wasn't sure if he was American-born. It seems to me that he's not, with his amber skin and all the things he...

Very interesting in an absurd, delightful way. You can shorten the title to "Fall Fashion," since the first sentence covers the info that you're on a date. The first paragraph is great - it could stand on its own as micro-fiction. The 2nd pgraph...the line "we had a lot to talk about." Maybe stronger to say something like, "we had too much to talk about, so I started with the mundane." The "Fashion, Baby" seems a little incongruous with her alleged worry that "shit, he hates it." Maybe strong...

Interesting story with lots of potential. The concept is great (made me think of a kind of existential anorexia; how the accumulation of the lies pushes her further away from partaking/participating in life to the point that she literally fades away). Some of the images are vivid and compelling (the lies turning/chruning end over end like taffy is superb!). Things to work on: 1. Most of the writing is in passive voice, which has the effect of the story being told from a distance. Consider usi...

This sort of sounds like memoir... I think it's beautiful in sentiment and tone and there are some lovely images. It certainly captures the spectator's view of death. A few places I wanted more specificity or for you to dig a little deeper. The line about when he had left your aunt...you say you had the feeling that he went off in search of something. Be specific; create an image with meaning and emotion. The greater specificity will create greater emotional impact when you come back to this ...