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marck's profile
AGE:
43
LOC: Evanston, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 07
LOC: Evanston, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 07
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Version 1
14 Reviews
15 Comments
It was only during the moments when her father was not with her — like right now, as he wandered around the common areas of the Hotel deGuerre tipping bellhops randomly — that Gretchen considered running away. The idea had been strong enough for her mother that the woman had left him for a lion tamer. "I need something substantial," she had heard her mother sob to him. "There's no magic when you know all the tricks." The next morning, Father had told Gretchen that she would become Spartico th...
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Well ... I did laugh. *grin* I can't say that it's a short story, per se, but it is filled with the sort of non-sequitirs I love to litter my own dialogue with, and so I was naturally inclined to love this piece. Whatever it is. (If they had a category simply called "Non-Sequitir," I would have put it there, scored it a "10," and challenged anyone to come back with anything better.) Setting aside the piece's humor, I must say that your writing is exceptionally strong. I am left to wonder how ...
You've got a nice start on your characters here. You describe Wanda and Amanda beautifully through Kevin's eyes -- I get a strong sense of what they look like. This is not a story with a lot of real "action." There's absolutely nothing wrong with this, but if that's the case, then we need to more fully understand why this moment in Kevin's life is important. We need to understand better what's at stake for him. I'm not necessarily talking about what he has at stake with Wanda, or Amanda, or K...
Well, this was a pleasant surprise, a wonderful story that manages to be a challenge for this reader -- in all the right ways. There are some echoes of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, and I hope you take that as the compliment it's meant to be. You have a wonderful talent for creating a world ... or in this case, many worlds, as your main character flits from scene to scene, from reality to dream. And the sense of Tyler's presence, presented through your main character's eyes, is almost pa...
Your premise is a good one -- very publishable. I might have given you lower scores than usual on review criteria such as "to be seen by Agent/Publishers" because there is a bit of basic proofreading you would want to do on this before you'd want to put it before an agent/publisher. If you consider how much stuff they're reading all the time, you want to make the reading experience as smooth as possible and not let them get hung up on grammatical/spelling/punctuation issues and forget to pay ...
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