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mark_93's profile
AGE:
16
LOC: Australia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 17
LOC: Australia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 17
Well I’m 15, live in Australia. I like Sci-Fi books and movies, and also horror movies. I also seem to have an apparent addiction to DVDs. Some favourites are: The Descent, 28 Days Later, Letters from Iwo Jima, and Sunshine. I hope you enjoy reading my stories.
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Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
ONE Rulio Horrendous hadn’t always been a bad man. Once upon a time, he had lived a very normal and overly uneventful life. He lived in a normal home, in a normal street, in a normal town, on a normal planet, in a normal galaxy. But he was NOT normal. From a very early age, he had showed certain tendencies. He continually did such things as: he swiped alcohol from the fridge when parental supervision was absent and saved up his pocket money to buy pocket knives, which he used to disembowel te...
Version 1
11 Reviews
0 Comments
THE STORY SO FAR: Gossamer, the last human alive, woke up adrift in a pod, floating through space. As his memory returned, he remembered that he had been- is- a part of the Genesis program. Things were running smoothly until PAM, his super-intelligent computer, received a mysterious signal, and proceeded to shut down. Using his initiative and resourcefullness, Gossamer managed to crash land his pod onto a mysterious planet. There, he waits, the future looking bleak indeed... EPISODE II CONTAC...
Version 2
10 Reviews
5 Comments
Gossamer’s eyes snapped open. He was surrounded by vast, unending cold. I’m dead, he thought. He was not. Gradually, the frigid temperatures that had gripped his body for the past fifty long, lonely years began to dissipate and rational thought returned to his mind. Immediately he inspected his surroundings. He was lying down in what appeared to be a small coffin-like container, about three meters long by a meter wide and about half a meter thick. The only illumination in the container was a ...
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Reviews
This is very promising, however there are a few things that could be improved. The translation, as mentioned in your notes, has made some of the text annoyingly disruptive to me as I read. I can't help but notice the sentences that are not quite worded correctly. Overlooking this, however, and moving onto the story itself - a nice effort. Your setting and premise seem quite plausible for what they are. The only gripe I have is that it sounds a lot like many other science fiction stories I hav...
Quite good overall, a few minor things i could spot, for example: 'Owen interjected laughing.' = 'Owen interjected, laughing.' '...against the nape of the Owen’s neck.' = '...against the nape of Owen’s neck.' 'The pulses moving through the ground like blood through the veins.' = 'The pulses moving through the ground like blood through veins.' 'All members of the battle had begun battling with the aid of their supernatural powers;' = 'All members of the battle had now begun fighting with the a...
This was pretty good. It feels like a medieval society in a space-faring universe, but that is just what i thought of it. it's not really my style, but i'm sure other people will appreciate it more. Grammar doesn't need too much work, although in some parts there is maybe TOO MUCH detail being shoved at us.
I found this quite interesting. As i myself have not read the book, it was helpful to explain what the book was about before launching into the symbols used. This sounds like a very sad and dark book, but that's just the feeling i got. Anyway, your examples wer clear and well explained, but i just felt that you could have perhaps made it more structured and concise. it just felt to me like there was no real 'body' to it and it was just a collection of examples (very well written examples, min...
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