pretty good but i'm not really the person to give you advice.

Wow this was really great! Great reporting i mean, not the topic you are writing about. It's amazing how schools can knowingly let this happen. i definitely think something should be done. I would say this is newspaper-worthy writing, and i commend you. well done!

We do live in a very materialistic world. This sounds a lot like something along the lines of 'the secret' which took the world by storm. However, the 'secret' here is to never give up, whereas in 'the secret', it was to focus on what you want and you'll get it, laws of attraction, blah blah blah and so on. The secret here is not really a 'secret' as such, more like a good word of advice, as you will often here people telling you those exact words, school teachers and parents, etc. However, i...

Overall a commendable effort. One nitpick- 'persecuted the Shia people for the welcome'. What is this supposed to mean? Also, 'Saddam blatantly &, with some amount of warning' perhaps you could drop the & sign (it seems out of place to me) and consider writing as 'Saddam blatantly and, with some amount of warning', although as i said earlier i cannot understand the last third of this sentence, so it may or may not make sense if rewritten that way. Also, great use of the graphic depictions to ...

Well done, i think this would do well as a nice little article in a newspaper or magazine. Quite interesting, nice use of experience from your own life as an illustration, not to long as to bore people, but short, and straight to the point, delivering enough persuasive language to give your argument that air of authority, especially with use of the quote from Benjamin Barber. Well done.

Hey man. pretty good so far, just a few minor things: No full stop needed after 'breeze' in the first paragraph. Instead, insert comma and remove the comma after 'maybe'. Typo: 'he just saying that to make her feel better.' should be 'he's just saying that to make her feel better.' "Evan you look cold, do you want a ride to school?” could be rewritten as "Evan, you look cold. Do you want a ride to school?” “Yeah, my friend rather stand in the cold with me.” = “Yeah, my friend would rather sta...

I found this quite interesting. As i myself have not read the book, it was helpful to explain what the book was about before launching into the symbols used. This sounds like a very sad and dark book, but that's just the feeling i got. Anyway, your examples wer clear and well explained, but i just felt that you could have perhaps made it more structured and concise. it just felt to me like there was no real 'body' to it and it was just a collection of examples (very well written examples, min...

This was pretty good. It feels like a medieval society in a space-faring universe, but that is just what i thought of it. it's not really my style, but i'm sure other people will appreciate it more. Grammar doesn't need too much work, although in some parts there is maybe TOO MUCH detail being shoved at us.

Quite good overall, a few minor things i could spot, for example: 'Owen interjected laughing.' = 'Owen interjected, laughing.' '...against the nape of the Owen’s neck.' = '...against the nape of Owen’s neck.' 'The pulses moving through the ground like blood through the veins.' = 'The pulses moving through the ground like blood through veins.' 'All members of the battle had begun battling with the aid of their supernatural powers;' = 'All members of the battle had now begun fighting with the a...

This is very promising, however there are a few things that could be improved. The translation, as mentioned in your notes, has made some of the text annoyingly disruptive to me as I read. I can't help but notice the sentences that are not quite worded correctly. Overlooking this, however, and moving onto the story itself - a nice effort. Your setting and premise seem quite plausible for what they are. The only gripe I have is that it sounds a lot like many other science fiction stories I hav...