marshmellotoast's profile

AGE: 17
LOC: Slidell, LA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 23

Hey =] I’m a sixteen year old girl who just found out mission in life is to enlighten other people through writing. It all satrted with my love of books. After I read Everything Is Illuminated, I was talking to my friend Zach about how amazing everything about that book was. I loved how the author made me feel something. I loved how I experenced something through fictional plots and I felt as if I had learned something about myself. “Isn’t it a wonderful thing Zach,” I said to him, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful to touch people everyday by pure imagination?”

And so that’s when I knew, that’s what I have to do. So I’ve been working on it ever since. I write down every little idea and sentence that comes into my head. And I want to share the…

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Version 1

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"Let us go then, you and I, When the evening is spread out against the sky Like a patient etherized upon a table; Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, The muttering retreats Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells: Streets that follow like a tedious argument Of insidious intent To lead you to an overwhelming question . . . Oh, do not ask, "What is it?" Let us go and make our visit." ** ••• Someti...

Clarity

Short Story - Overall

Version 1

9 Reviews 0 Comments

How could it not be you?

Version 3

1 Review 0 Comments

love is plane tickets midnight phone calls chocolate icing always being sorry blue blankets school id's robot t-shirts too stupid to see the signs capturing your attention for a week rotting houses short stories talking sea turtles sunflower fields blackberry-sage tea tree houses index cards raptor hunting eskimo kisses acoustical gray sweaters less than three beautifully sad magic carpet rides telling me to shut up with the apologies more plane tickets.

A book of my own writings

Version 2

2 Reviews 0 Comments

love is plane tickets midnight phone calls chocolate icing always being sorry blue blankets school id's robot t-shirts too stupid to see the signs capturing your attention for a week rotting houses short stories talking sea turtles sunflower feilds blackberry-sage tea tree houses index cards raptor hunting eskomo kisses acoustical gray sweaters less than three beautifully sad magic carpet rides telling me to shut up with the apologies more plane tickets.

A book of my own writings

Journal, Diary, & Blogging - Overall

Version 2

5 Reviews 0 Comments

The loneliness of a small six year old girl ended with a single brilliant idea. Elliot snuck through her bedroom window one night to climb the maple tree that stood alone in her backyard. Looking up at the stars, Elliot was struck by how incomplete the big sky made her feel, and she knew that the something that would make her whole was tucked away in the universe. So she devised a plan to find the missing element. She looked around at her possessions, would they be enough? She began to gather...

To be published in a collection of my short stories

To Inspire A Smile.

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Reviews

by webwriter

I think it was clear it was a computer, who shops on the TV? And dumping inner thoughts and feelings... But then again I might have thought differently if not for the notes to reviewers. My suggestion is to repost it and simply ask what the reader was thinking about while they read it. I'm interested to see if I would have been confused.

by Anonymous

Things that should be changed first: I think the first two paragraphs should be combined. In my opinion, the "oh shit maybe" you're referring to is less of a wide-eyed yelp and a little more of a cringing queasiness. Keep in mind that punctuation is just as important as word choice. I think the first two sentences in paragraph three should be reduced to "Initially I tried to calm her fears." The excess distracts from the point you are trying to come to. I really like the Aisle of Humility sec...

by Deadsage

I love the imagery with "hollow shell". The only advice I have is since the rest f the haiku is talking about the skin that's already been shed you might concider changing the last line to "shedded insect skin"

50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)

by robinonettey

Some of the sentences in here have really great images attached to them: "...as if waiting...settler." "it smelled delicious and earthy" "several generations since..." But the majority of the sentences are not very well written and hard to follow. A great tip to clean up your writing is to keep things simple. Your job as a writer is to say as much in as little words as possible and to make your writing as clear as possible. I think the story is worth telling, because it's obvious that you hav...

by CloClo

Writing as I go: sorry if I'm disorganized: the first line and the rest of the paragraph condradict themselves. Maybe say there was darkness except for... You're going for something little kids often dream about in the 2nd paragraph, which you did well at by giving us something not cliched to add to our beautiful thoughts of Mother Nature. ("spending her time dancing within the confinements of the stars.") I think you are describing the pains a writer feels by not having an emotional outlet w...

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