matteyxx's profile

matteyxx avatar
AGE: 15
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 23

I like volleyball, reading, writing, summer, fashion, and friends.  I’m a book geek.  I’ve been writing ever since I can remember…I love it :)

Pleaseee critique my stories!  

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Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
"She died,"  a tender voice whispers into my ear.  I spin around to face Bage, his chapped lips only inches from mine.  "Parisa.  She's dead." That's when I notice the streaks staining Bage's cheeks, and tints of crimson splattering his eyelids.  How long has he been sobbing?  When is the last time he has caught even a minute of sleep?  Yet I do not even need to ask these questions, not really.  Because I already know ...
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Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Unlovable
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
  I suppose I seem happy enough.  If you saw me on any given occasion, I would be joking around with my friends, smiling.  I would seem relatively normal.  All my clothes from the right stores; my hair straight and shiny; my  eyes wisped with mascara.  From the eye of any onlooker, I would appear fine and put together... All day long I fight back tears, forcing my facial features to radiate strength.  Courage.  Happiness.  Someo...
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Young Adult / Chapter 2, Part 2: Fig
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
"Augh!"  Fig finds himself tumbling forward, his knee scraping mercilessly along the pavement.  It hurts.  He knows he is bleeding because he can feel something wet trickling down his leg, and the air is suddenly filled with the rusty, salt-filled smell of blood.  Something is not right... Fig grasps the black pavement with both hands.  His world is swimming in countless directions, making him dizzy and uncomfortable.  What used to be buildings, blue sk...
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Young Adult / Chapter 2, Part 1: Brie
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
Brie Kids are everywhere. Some are tall, others are short.  They all range in build, from burly and heavy-set to petite and slender.  Brie had assumed she would fall somewhere in the middle, but she feels smaller and more vulnerable than ever before. It had only taken a few hours to reach her destination: Fiza.  All the while, she had been shoved, pushed, trampled on, and run over by stampedes of teenagers, all rushing to the same place.  Of course they had been rushi...
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Young Adult / Warrior---Chapter One
Version 1
5 Reviews   3 Comments
Brie "Please don't die..." Bail wraps an arm around her older sister.  Bail's cheeks are damp, her eyes moist with tears.   "Look," Brie points at the sunrise in the distance, "beautiful, isn't it."  The sky is splashed in an array of brilliant pink and violet.  For a moment her heart is in awe; all the tension boiled up inside of her slowly simmers away.  This is the same sunrise she has been seeing since she was...
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Reviews
Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / THE Darkness WIthin Chapter 1
Your writing is very mature and descriptive. I enjoyed it! No grammatic mistakes, the only suggestion I have is to describe more of the characters' feelings rather than simple facts. Hope I helped!
Poetry / Essene
I can feel your passion in this poem... and great job hooking me at the first stanza! You've really portrayed life as a series of decisions, which is what it really is. The only suggestion I have is to rewrite the third stanza because I found it confusing. What is the light you're refering to? Hope I helped!
Haiku/Senryu / In the rain
Would it be "OUR disappointment?" or rather "MY disappointment"? I'm confused, this poem is so short I cannot understand what youre talking about. And how does this relate to rain? Keep working at it!
Short Story / The Yellow Dot
Locked
Humor/Satire / Awkward
Kudos for being so open about your awkwardness!!! The truth is, there is a little bit of 'awkward' in every one of us. I hope you can cut down on the drinking though. What a bad habit. And it did get sorta repulsive when you were talking about peeing on hookers. Not exactly my idea of humor... but I suppose some people will laugh at that.
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