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AGE:
24
LOC: Amherst, MA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 24
LOC: Amherst, MA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 24
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Version 1
9 Reviews
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"We're positive." The surveyor nodded and tapped his finger on the screen. He was pointing at a slight discoloration in the live satellite feed of what used to be a city. Seeder was skeptical, "All I see is rubble. How can you be sure?" The data retrieved from the harvester was conclusive. There were a few hundred images associated with this sector before the time of the explosion. The unit was in a junkyard with no visible hacks. The information couldn't have been forged." "So just because ...
Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
Chapter 5 "This isn't happening." Tess read the words slowly. "We regret to inform you-" Tess threw the letter down and screamed. "Bastards!" She'd been terminated and honestly, it wasn't such a surprise. There had been layoffs everywhere and lately she'd had a feeling her days were numbered. "I'm sorry, I wish I could have done something." Stone looked miserable, "I will do something." There was nothing he could do though, it was the new trend. Droid business was good business and nobody wa...
Version 1
11 Reviews
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Chapter 4 Spanish classical was in the air as Caleb opened his eyes. He was still half asleep, but the smell of coffee and the pleasant sounds of the guitar brought him into the early morning daylight with gentle ease. Looking around there were the familiar sights. Revolutionary posters, mind puzzles, old comp's networked with new ones -their wires strung like vines around the room. Then there were the actual vines. They had been Bae's idea months ago and had quickly taken over portions of ev...
Version 1
27 Reviews
0 Comments
Chapter 1 "Sometimes 2 is just 2...but once in a while it gets to be 2.004" Caleb shook his head... Particle Transposition had to be the hardest physics there was to understand. All those fuzzy numbers that were changing all the time. It made no sense to him. Of course, he didn't have to get it, there were formulas and computers for that. "I was raised with Density equals Mass over Volume," chimed in Bae. "Not Density equals Mass divided by Volume -unless it's 4PM on a Tuesday." He was in th...
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More dialog would be nice, you seem to be telling the story a lot and not letting the characters show us the story very well. Knowing their thoughts is key, but sometimes you really need someone to say something and skip the paragraph of narration.
I'm sorry, but I didn't care for the lack of narration. This may be your style, but it reads like a stream of thought piece.
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