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mclose's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Vista, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 04
LOC: Vista, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 04
Hi, I’m Maggie and I love to write. I also love to read, which makes this site a really good thing for me. I’m only seventeen, and I’m not really sure what I want to do with my life, only that I hope it includes writing. I try my best to be positively constructive in my reviews, and if it ever seems like I might be wrong, well that’s possible. Like I said, I’m seventeen. Just know that my intentions are good.
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Version 1
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My socks refuse to stay in pairs The radios are out of tune The sky won't bear the weight of its clouds The earth runs circles around the moon. Without you here nothing makes sense The primes are all dividing by two. My shoes won't stay on the right feet Because all I can think of is you. My dear this world has smashed logic to pieces Nine insists upon following ten. And though the sun simply won't rise in your absence It will put itself right when I see you again.
Version 2
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returning waters i am no rock, but an ocean wave, my life not the steady solid of stone but the back and forth ebbing of waters unsure, pulled to your coasts and back again by clashing tides of faith and doubt. i am the prodigal, the thomas, the eve and though there are some who have walked upon water i haven't the power to ward away doubt- only enough to return to your banks. still, though i won't claim the faith of the rock that unwaveringly shouts your word from the shore it is with the tr...
Version 1
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I looked for you again today Though I knew it'd come to no good. I walked the sidewalks where we walked And under your window I stood. I promise myself and I promise again To forget these memories of you. They twist and burn and whisper sweet pain They won't let die what I once knew to be true. But if I stayed here under your window Night upon night for year upon year I don't think that I'd miss any less The soft light of your eyes on mine, so near. And though I might promise again and again ...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
returning waters i am no rock, but an ocean wave, my life not the steady solid of stone but the back and forth ebbing of waters unsure, pulled to your coasts and back again by clashing tides of faith and doubt. i am the prodigal, the thomas, the eve and though there are some who have walked upon water i haven't the power to ward away doubt- only enough to return to your banks. still, though i won't claim the faith of the rock that unwaveringly shouts your word from the shore i think perhaps t...
Version 2
1 Review
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footsteps this old staircase upward has seen many years pounding many feet hurridly or slowly traipsing downward the carpeted steps once white and untouched are now worn and gray they (and perhaps they alone) mark the passing of time in this house and they've grown grayer and grayer with the years and with the cadence of footsteps which has thundered or pattered down these steps and out the door for the last time.
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This is awesome. It made my day. It is satiric, slightly ridiculous, and makes a good point. I especially like the line, "I swear." It adds a little comedic value, and the last stanza, especially the last three lines, is really very meaningful for a poem that seems as if it might just be ludicrous. Rock on.
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wow. i'm pretty impressed by the idea of this poem. this is a really effective and just generally cool way to organize a commentary on religion. it's chilling, especially in the last line. my only suggestion would be to try and stick to some kind of meter throughout, only because the children's rhyme has a meter to it, and keeping it consistant would only make the poem more effective.
this is great- the meter is really consistant (something i'm always happy to see in poetry) and i love the alliteration in the first lines of both stanzas. the message is wonderful- that we all can renew ourselves from a broken past. my only criticism is that it seems like it ought to be "A pheonix flies free/ from the depths of its past" instead of "our past" because the pheonix is singular. anyway, great poem.
I can see that the message here is unrequited love- that much is pretty clear. Even so, I am left confused over some of the lines in this piece. For example, "I see now, to her I'm just a thrall," suggests that you play slave to this girl, and yet in the preceeding line you state that you are not allowed even to answer her call. The line "Look through everything and come into view" is also confusing, if only because I'm not sure what you want the girl to see, or why she's not already in view,...
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This is a cool beginning to what could be a captivating story. I'm not sure why any thing after this seems to you superfluous. This seems to me to be merely an introduction, a point where thousands of questions arise? Who is the mermaid? Why does she want to help the protagonist? Where is he? Where will she take him? It seems to me that there is plenty to be done with this. Anyway, I like the description, although I think by armbands you mean arm-floats or waterwings, and I'd prefer just plai...
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