mcneecea's profile

mcneecea avatar
AGE: 32
LOC: Farmington, MI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 26

Check out my book,

Sam Iver: Imminent Threat

www.alexandermcneece.com

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Version 1
7 Reviews   1 Comment
Safely from the second floor of Edison’s Office, a shadowy figure watched the newly reanimated body stagger from the laboratory’s front doors. The low light from the windows and open door accentuated the dark form’s awkward gait. The monster hunched over and shook. Under the weight of the blood, embalming fluid, and sweat; her gown clung in ripples to her thin, stooped back. She stumbled down the short set of stairs. Her right hand painted a crimson streak on the pillar that held the awning. ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
7 Reviews   4 Comments
Prologue Safely from the second floor of Edison’s Office, a shadowy figure watched the newly reanimated body stagger from the laboratory’s front doors. The low light from the windows and open door accentuated the dark form’s awkward gait. The monster hunched over and shook. Under the weight of the blood, embalming fluid, and sweat, her wet gown clung in ripples to her stooped back. Stumbling down the short set of stairs, her right hand left a crimson streak on the white pillar that held the a...
Version 1
7 Reviews   0 Comments
Safely from the second floor of Edison Office’s, a shadowy figure watched the newly reanimated body stagger from the laboratory’s front doors. The low light from the windows and open door accentuated the dark form’s awkward gait. The monster hunched over and shook. Under the weight of the blood, embalming fluid, and sweat, her wet gown clung in ripples to her stooped back. Stumbling down the short set of stairs, her right hand left a crimson streak on the white pillar that held the awning. On...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Freaky- I'm never going to the library again. The foreshadowing with your language is really fun. You almost want the "monster" to win. Great story.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Prey
You lost me at “As a Vampire it is hard to make new friends”… In my humble opinion, this reads like a video game. The plot is completely contrived. I will say for English being a second language, you are very skilled. For 22, your willingness to write is also good. The end has a neat little twist, but the POV changes abruptly- very disorientating. This is a neat overall idea, but you rush us there. In terms of grammar… I still amuses me should read It… You need to use commas to set off our in...
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Our Last Achievement
My comments: It was a thoughtful piece. I liked it as an experiment. You seem to have a healthy paranoia of the world’s corporations. My question is where do we go from here. I don’t mean the ending of the piece; I mean what is the purpose? It’s read like a Discovery Channel digital demonstration or representation.
Short Story / Success
My comments: The Good: You slow bleed of information in a conflict filled environment. It made it interesting. The character’s development is very clear in the first 1000 words. Feedback: If your goal is to see it on the self, general American audiences don’t read paragraphs as long as yours. Editors will have you break those up. They will want more dialogue. I understand what you are doing and see the value of explaining the IT disaster. I think you do miss an opportunity to make the reason ...
Short Story / Sacred places
I liked it; I would have like a little more. The interaction with the kids is nice, sincere - perfect. I felt your youthful interest, open mindedness, and detachment all at the same time. Very much like a first year teacher. This was very good. I wanted to know more about the surroundings. For it stand alone, you need more setting details, a sentence here, a paragraph there to help show what you said in the “notes for reviewer.” From a mechanics point of view, your one sentence paragraph does...