Haiku/Senryu / Flow together like water (Analysis)

Oh to have it always be that wonderful… Great ‘flow’.  Beautiful imagery.

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May 12, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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Thank you.  And you’re right, oh to always have that…

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I like the allusion, and I think it was very good. To be honest though, I don’t know that much about Haiku except that it follows a certain sylable pattern. Keep it coming.

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May 08, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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That’s ok, sometimes you can review a piece for the content, and not the form.  If it speaks to you, then it doesn’t matter if it’s prose, poetry, or a limerick.

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I really enjoyed this. I’m not usually a big fan of Haiku’s I felt as tho this flowed well together.

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May 08, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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Thanks for the review.  I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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Bravo. I am moved by the simpleness of the purpose.

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April 03, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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35	M	Alexandria, VA	November 27

I’m not sure what you mean by simpleness of purpose?  Would you mind elaborating?  Thanks.

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I guess I expected the title to be in the haiku- so that was interesting. You know, you might have a series of “lovers talks” you could form into a volume of modern haiku. Then the title could become its own piece…and others fashioned from your lover’s words. The water imagery is nice. It’s very erotic.

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April 03, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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35	M	Alexandria, VA	November 27

Thanks for the review.  I’d love to add to this to create a series.

May 08, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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I’ve written somewhat of a follow-up to this called ‘feel like putty’.  It’s not as good, but came from a lover’s talk….

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I love this!  Personally I think it is extremely hard to write Haiku for the mere fact that I think it is defficult to be able to grasp the reader with just a few words, but you did it in this.  The title is by far perfect for this!

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March 28, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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35	M	Alexandria, VA	November 27

Thank you for the review.  I’m glad you enjoyed it.  The title was the inspiration as I put in the notes.  The most incredible thing anyone ever said to me.

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Wow!  This was simple, but yet so touching and sweet!  I could imagine a whole book of lovely little quotes like this, keep up the fantastic work!

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March 23, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it.  I could imagine such a book too, but I can’t yet imagine being the one to write it!  Perhaps my gf will inspire me enough to write more, although I have to say this is probably the best I’ve written so far.

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Beautiful and sensual.  Liquid harmony…the imagery alone is breath-taking.  Haiku poems always ‘used’ to strike me as too short, a fan of lyrics myself, but this one says so much beyond what is written. Well done and thank you for sharing.

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March 23, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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35	M	Alexandria, VA	November 27

Thank you for the review and kind words.  I’m pleased you liked it!

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Good visual imagery.  I liked the second line,

“Writhe in liquid harmony”

while it was speaking of lovers, it does not limit itself to speaking of human lovers.  I also liked the visual imaging that the word “Cascading” brought to mind.  

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March 23, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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35	M	Alexandria, VA	November 27

Thanks, glad you liked it.

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I really like the last line and the word “meld” in the first.  The only area I think I could give you criticism on would be the word “conjoin” in the first line.  I don’t really like it used as a verb.  I think something IS conjoined, but it’s not very active.  I think there could be a better word there.  Other than that I thought I was very good, I liked it!

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March 22, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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35	M	Alexandria, VA	November 27

Thanks for the review.  I’m sorry you didn’t like my use of conjoin.  To be honest, I was more worried about the word’s association with conjoined twins.

I know I wrote it, but I think conjoin is the perfect word.  Lovers come together, unite, connect, unify, couple, etc.  All synonyms for conjoin.  Besides, it’s not often used in this context so has the benefit of being fresh.  

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