Poetry / Three Acts in Three Blocks

omigod. I was already laughing after the second verse.
It’s very satirical… at least, in my head it is… in that it repeats itself like.. a dozen times.. =)

‘Can you inhale adjectives and allusions? ‘
Insightful and clear.

‘Tomorrow is a wink’... -_-” What?

I think this piece was good. Although formatted poetry-like I do believe it’s a flash piece. I can’t comment on punctuation but from what I see your grammar is good.

I don’t know what is is about that last block,- (you have “is” twice in this sentence.)

It had a slight bit of humor to it. I enjoyed it. You should keep working with it and developing it.

I liked this piece a lot. The very first part sort of reminds me of Family Guy. The type of humor it seemed like. I thought the whole thing would be like that but it all turned out very strange indeed. I really liked the random poetic comments throughout the story (even he finds them odd) Very good, creepy a little bit. Good style too. I see this as a publishable piece.

Six for the ‘to be seen’ catagory and 8 for content. I rated it a 6 for the first part because it seems as though it isn’t ready for prime time just yet. I think this piece works best as a poem but you need to restructure the final paragraph or so to match the above format which you had down pretty well up to that point.

That said, I liked the feel of the story and the atmosphere. The lonliness tempered with bitersweet happiness was an interesting touch.

The piece looks very encouraging and I look forward to seeing a more polished version!

• add/view comments (1)

January 31, 2008

by saveusjeebus

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
16	88.5% (61 votes)	1.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	M	Santa Barbara, CA	September 16

thank you sir. i also have mixed feelings about the last paragraph, minus the bus stop part, which i hope is a good way to end it

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

I would lean more towards this piece being prose though some of the lines you used sound very poetic.  It doesn’t seem to follow that traditional structure of a poem.  Overall, I liked it.  I shows alot of promise.  Keep writing! I look forward to reading more of your work.

The idea (that the various blocks affect how you feel) is entertaining. The style is humorous but could be even more so in my opinion.

Proofreading notes:
night time = nighttime or night-time (in British English)
what is is = what it is ??
my soul felt like it was = my soul felt as if it were

I enjoyed this, I didn’t however like the first two lines of the second paragraph, nor was a fully into the third paragraph as a whole. I thought the rest of this was lovely and enjoyed reading it immensely.

And i’m pretty sure this would be considered poetry… but i aint no expert.  

This sounds very good but you can definately see where improvement needs done. In writing, I notice that diolouge can help usher the story or peice of writing well in a way that is not as boring to read through as a big bulky paragraph; those are simply tempting to skip or rip your hair out to trudge through. I like your whole theme and the overall context, really induldged in it. Its simple, and this is a plus, but your simplicity needs description never the less.

Can improve on making things a little clearer, use the exact word, not its second cousin, and never give up.

• add/view comments (1)

January 31, 2008

by saveusjeebus

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
16	88.5% (61 votes)	1.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	M	Santa Barbara, CA	September 16

thank you for the comment, and correct word choice is always the pentultimate goal. however, you will miss a lot of good writing if you skip all the paragraphs without dialog.

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.