Not just drug addiction – just addiction. And we don’t always learn from our mistakes. Thanks for your insite! That is actually a good point that no one else has mentioned!
The item you were looking for was deleted.
Poetry / Wrong Directions
The devil says “Maybe.”
I say “Oh, of course. Where are my manners?”
We agree to disagree,
parting ways at the corner of Detox and Hope.
But I don’t have the devil’s sense of direction.
I’m on the wrong train faster than you can say
“excuse me, Miss, you seem to have
forgotten your name tag and
your halitosis is offending
the other passengers.”
Twenty-seven detours later, I’m home.
I’m naked in front of the mirror seeing what the devil saw.
It ain’t pretty, but then, have you seen that forked tongue?
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
Matthewtuckey reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I get the feeling there’s a load of metaphors in this, but I can’t decipher them. I get that the narrator is trying to clean out his body (detox, not pretty) but it’s unclear- yet still creative.
- add/view comments (0)
BeautifullyxChaoticxMess reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I’d love to see this be even longer. Maybe it was just because I liked the poem so much but I didn’t want to stop reading it. I have a little trouble understanding the last statement with the forked tongue thing but, other than that I loved this. Nice job.
WhiteRabbit reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
This is very unique. I do not understand how the devil’s “Maybe” fits into the work, but everything is easy to follow and understand. I would only recommend that you further vividly identify the reader with the confusion or loss of control of the writer. It would go far to help the reader identify with the feeling that I think you are trying to express. I like this work; I think I would like it more if it was expanded a little. Just my simple opinion.
witchj23 reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
i like the sarcasm. we should all be able to laugh at ourselves :) and while it was a “hard subject” you made it lighter and easier to swallow. keep up the good work
GreenIguana reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
Obviously this poem is about drug addiction. However exactly what occured here is not clear. In the first few lines it sounded like you left the devil to pursue detox and/or hope. Then you say you’re “on the wrong train.” Thus when you note the 27 detours and home, I’m not sure whether you’re referring to 27 relapses and then recovery, or 27 attempts at recovery and then a return to full-blown addiction. In other words, where are you home, in addiction or in recovery?
emoisamusic reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I like the honesty.
Some people just don’t like admitting that the little devil gets the best of us.
Very little wit, but enough to keep me entertained through this not-so-lengthy poem.
Overall, okay.
libertine reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
Really like this , one of it flows well when read aloud. I like the meta used instead of the actual addictive substance ( at least I belive thats what youre saying ). I wish I understood the signifigance of the line ‘Twenty-seven detorus later’. All in all though this read well , flowed nicely and is a well written piece.
C78Foster reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I really enjoyed this. It brought a light, enjoyable humor that is not too often found in standard poetry. I chuckled confusedly the whole length through. I enjoyed the lines ”’excuse me, Miss, you seem to have forgotten your name tag and your halitosis is offending the other passengers.’” because it adds a dark humor to a brief poem. I have no criticism for this work because I liked it so well, continue the good work.
horse reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Cool. I dig this piece. Though somewhat disjointed, it is thematically consistent with the state of mind during detox, or when coming down from a long high. Thus, it works for me.
I love the “excuse me line”—brilliant.
The suggestions that I have:
Consider dropping “But” at the beginning of the 5th line. You may feel it necessary to the piece, but I’m not certain that it is…and it disrupts the flow a bit. Also, as I read the section again, it may make sense to keep the “but” and place an “and” after “direction”.
Lastly, I wasn’t fond of “in my head”. Again, it isn’t likely necessary as the rest of the piece implies that this is not a physical journey.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
MichaelLilith reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I love the lines:
The devil says “Maybe.”
I say “Oh, of course. Where are my manners?”
We agree to disagree,
But I don’t have the devil’s sense of direction.
I’m naked in front of the mirror seeing what the devil saw.
It ain’t pretty, but then, have you seen that forked tongue?
The rest is not as strong to me. But those lines are excellent.
I’ve got a thing for the devil, so I particularly liked the diabolic imagery – like an old blues song by skip james…
Showing 1 - 10 of 32
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
8 Reviews 4 Comments
Version 2
Latest Activity: about 1 month ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 89 Times
Skipped: 1 Time
Ratings & Rankings
Versions
| Version 2 | Version 1 (Deleted) |