Poetry / Chemistry

Not much to say about content given. Like when you talk about him I don’t know much about him as in when you talk about your nervous habits of liking your lips, I wonder if he notices or if he has his own nervous habits. Over all though a good piece.  

This is short, sweet, and simple.
Rather warming.
I’m interested in seeing what you will create with the novel that you are working on.
Keep up the nice work!

I like it. I’d like to see how you can expand it if he were to actually speak!!

A sentimental feeling..
Cut short..

But the point is made..

After the last sentence u reliaze the scene to which this can hold true

is of a short time

More like a first meeting…  when not sought each other for a long time

Not a bad job, very simple, tells a sweet little story. I can relate to this a lot. I really don’t see anything worth changing.

over all this piece is quiet pleasing. i know where your coming from in the meaning of all it. yet your only talking about how you feel when you first like someone. i bet if you write about when your fully in love and the after math…like a little story

You could use more descriptive language in this poem. That would give it some depth.

L1, you say he is hot and cold. You need to dedicate a couple of lines that show this to be true.

L4, “Knocks me off my feet.” is cliche. Cliches aren’t your words. I would rather hear your words.

The last sentence shouldn’t be the last sentence. You need something here to cause the poem to explode with emotion. You are building something up, you cannot allow it to not be dramatic.

Hope that helps,

Joel.

I like this.  It’s sweet and sincere, playful and serene.  The lines “He looks at me, a searing gaze” and “I lick my chapped lips; a nervous habit, but hold his gaze” are particularly good.  You might want to find a synonym for gaze and vary your word choice a little, but it’s really no big deal.  For your age you’re one of the best poets I’ve seen on this site.  Your ending is strong and subtle as well.  You have the makings of a great talent, and I encourage you to keep writing.  Good luck with this and any future projects you may have underway.

“He smiled then. I smile back.” Seems like an issue of time (smiled back)
I like the ending.

I liked it mainly because it’s on a topic that I, and most people, can relate to. Although, it doesn’t really seem like a poem to me. Probably because it’s so short, it just seems like a few well-written sentences, not a poem, and you may want to correct that.