Query Letter / A Potential to Kill QUERY
Dear URBIS readers:
In 1980 Peoria, Illinois, a gay man is murdered in the old Beekman Place Hotel. The event is both premeditated & vicious, and the killer has left behind two “unexplainable” clues: Coca-Cola (circa 1903, made with cocaine instead of caffeine); and Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Clove Cigarettes, a brand that hasn’t existed since 1897. Both clues are as fresh as if made today, but with no match to fingerprints, the case is never solved.
Twenty-seven years later, Frankie Downs arrives in Peoria, driving the same car used in the 1980 murder. A functional alcoholic, Downs is already buzzed by the time he reaches Beekman Place, the subject of his next feature in “OldPlaces” magazine. He spends the day touring the site, learning its strange history, and of course, drinking. With a black cigarette holder clenched between her teeth, Libby, the Ruth Gordon like-landlady, avoids all direct questions about the hotel’s elevator.
At a reception later that night, Downs hits it off with Andy Conner, a gay tenant. An S&M encounter ensues. When Downs leaves the hotel (staggering drunk) in the wee hours, Conner is still alive. The next morning, Conner is dead, in the same style, same hotel, with the same clues as 27 years before. Unfortunately for Frankie, in addition to being a suspect today, his fingerprints ALSO match the 1980 crime-
But he is NOT the killer!
A Potential to Kill is a 408 page, 235,000-word page turner. It’s a mystery so edgy, it’s disguised as a Still Life With Crows-style thriller, hooking the reader in the first few paragraphs with an elevator accident on New Years Eve, 1919. With the bodies piling fast, and the police in hot pursuit, the book gathers an ensemble of characters whose lives are interconnected by a single, shared moment of unspeakable tragedy. (Think Jodi Picoult.) Against the hot red lights of the big city leather scene, the plot unfolds, splits, and unfolds again, building to multiple payoffs before a bone-chilling finale reveals the real story that has been secretly playing in the background from the very first page…
My book marks the end of an 11-year writing project. I have crafted my first novel carefully, taking advantage of my position as a Barnes & Noble manager, to observe and define my target audience. A Potential to Kill will appeal to readers of Stephen King, Clive Cussler, Chuck Palahniuk, Preston, Child, and Picoult (among many others). My book is also designed to bridge the gap between “traditional” and “gay themed” fiction, a vast & growing audience, inadequately represented on my employer’s present shelves.
I am a 38-year old gay man with a vivid imagination, a talent for writing, a gift for visual storytelling, and a twisted sense of humor. I also have a good ten books inside of me.
May I send you A Potential to Kill?
Sincerely,
David Alan Dedin
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Wow. It sounds really intriguing and definitely like something I’d want to read more of. I love the Ruth Gordon-like landlady, every novel needs a character like that lol. Are you/have you published this? It definitely sounds like something you’d find on the shelf of a bookstore. I applaud you on getting this reader hooked just by a few paragraphs!
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This is a solid, dynamic query letter which I think would attract the attention of an agent/editor. You’ve made your plot summary intriguing enough that I’m curious about the novel. I think you’ve made smart comparisons to successful authors as well as comparing the style to “Still Life with Crows”.
One thing I’d suggest (from both personal reaction as well as from research I’ve done on query letters) would be to eliminate self-congratulatory phrases such as “bone-chilling finale” and “hooking the reader in the first few paragraphs” and just let your synopsis speak for itself.
Your book sounds great. Best of luck with your publishing pursuits.
Nice job. From reading this, I would want to get the book or whatever you were describing. It has great style to it. Keep up the good writing!
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