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Haiku/Senryu / Metaku (Analysis)
Ron Paul of haiku
Shows how to be champion
Doesn’t stand a chance
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I like the irony of success versus failure, and the polital commentary. “Ron Paul of haiku” is especially evocative. “Shows how to be champion” doesn’t flow very well, but of course you had to hit 7 syllables … is there another way to phrase this idea so it flows better?
Opening and closing lines are great, punchy bookends, it’s just that middle line that’s not quite settling into place … I think you can work it to keep “champion” and sell the same idea with different word choices.
Thoughtful, quirky piece!
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Very Clever. Love the Ron Paul line. I still can’t say I’ve ever read an english Haiku that didn’t make me feel like I was wasting time.
HAHA! He’s a champion, and his money can’t buy the residency. Can it? Great one.
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