Short Story / The Zeitgeist
The Zeitgeist
The text message arrived without warning, catching Ryan mid-sip while he sat in his living room, indolently enjoying an unemployed Friday.
“Well Fuck me, I’m fired”
Ryan leveraged an eyebrow about midway up; it was the most interest that he had showed in anything during his two weeks of unemployment. He scanned the top of the screen for the name of the sender, and was surprised to find that it was from one of his most charming friends, Denise. He wondered how Denise had possibly found a way to get fired, as it would take a heart of stone to fire those gorgeous liquid curves. He decided to air his surprise to her, and immediately texted back: “Jesus, that sucks. Coffee later?” A few minutes later the rendezvous was set, and mysteries would be solved as soon as she could prepare herself.
Twelve o’clock found the two twenty-somethings sitting across from each other, exchanging semi-platonic glances over coffees with sugar and half n’ half. Ryan was accommodating and charming, trying to take her mind off of the tragedy of the modern working world. He had some experience, although he had never stayed in a job longer than six months to find out what longevity felt like. Truthfully, he knew that he was not missing much.
“Ohhh Denise. So come on, tell me what happened.”
“It was seriously, the shittiest day of my life. This morning Karen left the front door open a bit. That stupid whore. I noticed it when I was leaving, so I went back to make sure the cat didn’t get out.”
“Did the cat get out?” Ryan asked anxiously, hoping for an affirmative. Cats were stupid, and it would take a great deal to convince him otherwise.
“No, I found her twenty minutes later hiding in a kitchen cabinet. So already I was twenty minutes late for work.”
“But that’s not so bad, nobody would fire you for being a few minutes late.”
“No, usually nobody would notice. But apparently yesterday my boss met with his divorce attorneys for the last time, and his wife took a lot of his stuff. So he was a raging asshole and I was an easy excuse.”
The mystery was unraveling. Denise’s boss had a fiery misogyny fanned by the recent divorce, so Denise’s beauty was only a grating reminder now. Ryan stopped himself, remembering that he was supposed to be cheering her up and not playing junior psychologist. He smiled, “Well, I hope his ex-wife got his hairpiece in the divorce. Remember when I went with you to the Christmas party last year and I couldn’t stop laughing at it because I was so hammered?”
Denise’s firm frown broke for a half laugh, “Oh yeah, that was great. What did you keep calling it all night?”
“The Runaway Rat.”
They both laughed at the tasteful jokes of yesteryear. Ryan took another sip of coffee. “So are you one of those terminally employed types who insists on getting another job right away?”
“Yes! I hate being unemployed. And looking for a job is miserable.”
“How can you hate being jobless? You’re not broke, why not just take the time off and reacquaint yourself with some old hobbies?” ‘Like sleeping with strange men in bars,’ Ryan was considering saying, but then realized he shouldn’t be making her feel insecure. He couldn’t understand why she would be upset at a time like this; perhaps the feeling of liberty was overwhelming her fragile senses.
“You don’t understand. A woman in the advertising business has to work unbelievably hard in order to break the glass ceiling. I seriously cannot afford to take time off or else I might get behind in the Zeitgeist.”
“What the hell is that?” Ryan raised another half eyebrow – today was turning out to be exhausting.
“It’s the moment. The feel, the style, the peak of a moment. If you don’t capitalize on whatever the Zeitgeist is, you either risk looking boring or poseur-ish. The companies that capture it the best get the next cycle of big budget clients.”
“Oh, I see. Well, I still don’t see how getting a job in advertising would be any harder for a woman than getting any other job. Just put on the right outfit, sexy walk your way through the door and put em on the glass.”
“You mean the glass ceiling?” Denise was half smiling and half annoyed. She suspected that all men assumed women got jobs that way, even though they would never admit to holding that opinion.
“Sure, that. Or the shower room window.” Ryan could barely contain his childish giggling.
“Most businesses don’t have shower rooms…”
Ryan tightened his laughing into the most serious look that an unemployed slacker could manage.
“Probably why we’re in a recession.”
They both laughed again, their eyes meeting on and off while the coffee sat in the cups getting cold. It had been a long half day, but a good one.
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My first critique of this piece is the word choice. There are several spots where it seems you ran to a thesaurus to find a new word rather than using a simple one the reader would understand. Indolently is not a commonly used word and it made me pause in my reading, which is something you never want the reader to do. Also, I think the word charming appears several times. Maybe you could change that. Overall, however, the writing is smooth and the dialogue is entertaining, but I am not sure what the conflict of the story really is here. You have many possible avenues to take with this. Is it Ryan’s attempt to woo Denise? (I don’t think so) Is it Denise’s attempt to overcome the challenges of being a woman in a male dominated workforce? (Maybe, but again, not so much.) Is it about 2 unemployed 20 somethings who like to chat over coffee? Sure, but there isn’t much of a story to that. I think one idea needs to stand out among the rest in order for this piece to stand alone as a short story. Good luck with it.
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In general, very good. Held my attention. I would cut some of this dialogue. On occasion it’s too much question, answer, question, answer. Natural conversation is interrupted more.
Proofreading notes:
had showed = had shown
was an easy excuse.” (word choice. easy target?)
sleepin with strange men in bars (implies that they actually “sleep” in the bar)
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