haha.. i dont really ahve any goals for it.. i jsut firgured it’d be out there more the more goals i put
Poetry / (suggest a title)
Inside, yea, i feel gifted
Might be slightly half-twisted
What a bitch, what a surprise
what a joke!
But when i’m the one uplifted
Not wasting time not afflicted
I’m a sage, I’m a prophet
I am hope
But I am a drone
I Live alone
I wrote “The Sky’s Falling Down Upon My Home”
From what I know
I’m in the right tone
It’s kinda bullshit to sing alone when you are stoned
I am a drone
This is my home
I say the sky’s falling
The world’s all up in smoke
And when I know
I’ll tell you so
For now I’ll hang on to a branch until I’m grown
Yea, I guess so
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Joel_Mitt reviewed Version 1 -
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Title: Forced Rhymes
This seems like it’s meant to be spoken aloud, in a spoken word format? Without revision and serious verbal delivery skills the title I suggested is what I feel this piece best conveys. I don’t even really know what you were trying to get across to the reader. The structure and rhyme scheme were distracting and came off as trite, they took away from whatever message you were trying to deliver.
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PurlDruid reviewed Version 1 -
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Okaaaaay, you need to chill out on the goals doode! Other than that- keep smoking it up and continue your search- Great poem! I’d like to read more..
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