Lyrics / "YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME"

This lyric is sweet, I think, and it works pretty well for the most part. I like how you stick to the rhyme scheme within the verses and how the rhymes themselves don’t feel too forced or awkward.

As for improvement, I can offer a few suggestions. The way the verses and bridges are spaced seems a little weird. Two verses to a bridge to verse three makes sense, but then it’s verse three to a bridge to a bridge. If you are planning to repeat a bridge, then you might be better off calling it your refrain. I think the bridge should serve as more of a unique transition, rather than something to be repeated.

The tone within each verse doesn’t match that of bridges I and II. In each verse, you present a simple description of love for another person; your love is this or that, etc.  In the bridges, however, you talk about rainy days, wiping away tears, and “only liv(ing) to survive.” If you don’t provide more examples in the verses of the dark times that this person is getting rid of, then the message becomes less powerful.

Just a couple of minor things: when you want to contract “you are”, it’s you’re, not your. It comes up a lot in general, it seems, so it helps to be aware of that. In verse three, you say “your love’s”. This works, but it sounds a little awkward. It might be flow a little better to say “your love is snow flakes”. I hope some of what I said helps.

had me hooked with the first line very romantic i enjoyed reading it!

This is better. I like this more than the last one of yours I read. You have talent and I see it more here. to be honest, your style is nothing really innovative or experimental. That’s fine and you know that, you instead do what you do… quite well. I can see this working as a country-pop single. Most of the imagery actually works nicely and avoids even seeming cheesy, which is an accomplishment considering the concept. Overall, there would only be a few corrections I would make:

” Your my bird and my bee ”
While I’ve seen this work well on occasion, it seems odd and forced here. Another comparison could nicely fit the rhyme scheme and do a better job of getting the point across.

“only Christmas time makes ”
While this works, you might want to change the “Christmas” time, because I’ve seen you use this before in similar manner. You might chose to replace it with something as common as winter, or even the cold. It would distinguish this from your other work.

I have a problem writing short reviews of your work. You have a good grasp of lyrical qualitites and this just flows so nicely. Little seems forced and it has a whimsical quality to it. Nice.

this is a great song but all songs need a hook/chorus that keeps repeating

Is there a chorus to this? This makes a great poem, but I don’t think a song could be made out of “you’re my this, you’re my that”. Sorry, but I’ve never heard any song with that concept, and trust me, I’ve written one very similar, and realized it sucks as a song, but it’s a great poem, and this is certainly a great poem, especially with the internal rhymes.

I think this should go in order of the holidays them self, or at least show some timeline whether starting in spring or January.  But other than that I say that this works, though  I didn’t care for the Halloween bit at all, but it still follows the flavor of the rest of the lyrics.

Your my bird and my bee  //you’re
Your my falling star//comma// my wish from afar //you’re
Your every man’s dream times two //you’re
But your love keps me alive //keeps

This is really sweet!  This is promising, I would love to actually hear it being played on the guitar, or maybe the piano.

Good luck with your song!

you are my flower after a spring shower is nice
you are my rainbow on a rainy day is very nice.
you lyrics will make people happy.
you have a way with words.

I like how you use metaphors in your lyrics. Theyre not the greatest and can use some work, but very good nevertheless. Keep writing.

Aw! What a pretty pattern of love, nature, and every holiday! In my eyes, wouldn’t change a thing.

Luv,

The Chell Bells