Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Sally Banner reigns again.

For your age, this is excellent writing. That’s not a slight in any way; what I mean is that both the content and language sound like someone probably ten years older.

While the content isn’t exactly my cup of tea, I respect that it is yours and you do a good job of illustrating that it is. One thing that I think could use a little improvement is that you’re “telling” but never “showing.” What I mean is that you talk about how you’ve figured out how all these truisms are true, but you never give any details why you now know this. Maybe try adding one example early into the paragraph about how you came to realize one of these old sayings really works.

Finally, “learnt” doesn’t sound right here. It sounds awkward, like your trying a little bit to be “wordy.” I think “learned” would serve you much better.

Again, great stuff. You should keep writing.

A few editorial comments… I suppose “learnt” is the English equivalent of the Americanized “learned”?  When you pose a question, albeit rhetorical, I think a question mark is in order.  Also, beware of possessive pronouns (its) mistaken for contractions (it’s= it is).  

The “also” might best belong as a separate blog, or better yet, why not write a review?  It seems too tacked-on here.

At 17, you seem wise beyond your years.

I connected with this writing instantly. I felt everything and related in a way that had me reminiscing about my own past and future, things that i want and things that make me. I understood everything that you wrote and enjoyed it.

Very nicely expressed. Personally, I would drop the part about Hewett.  While a valid observation and review, it doesn’t really fit with the first portion and seems completely random. In a way, it detracts from the realizations that you shared with us in the opening.

Concise and well written. The writer expresses a joy at learning that some of the trite ‘life lessons’ are really true. It is refreshing to read something that is positive. This rings of innocence,one who is not yet jaded, but definitely not naive. I enjoyed it very much and the comment about Dorothy Hewett being a woman who lived enough to fill the lives of many makes me want to learn more about her.

nice job!

Hey there! I loved the idea that you’ve written here! I have a few comments for you. I hope that you will take them as constructive and not destructive.

Here are some comments for you:
“one of the greatest, and most illuminating”- I don’t think that the comma is necessary.
“learnt things”- I suppose you could be aiming for a colloquial sound, in which case bravo, but otherwise I think that learned is a more appropriate word.
“when you get down”- I was confused about the meaning of this phrase for a moment.
“to be complete and just”- Just seems strange when used in that context. I would have used a word like balanced.
“you give yourself to try to fool yourself”- You have used the word you too many times in this sentence.
“people and places and styles and sights and sounds”- I would like to see commas used instead of and.

I’m left feeling that this blog attempts to prove something, but never really gets beyond stating the thesis.  You state that all the old adages are true, but you never really get into the why, and that leaves me as a reader with a feeling of not being satisfied.

I think there is a lot more you could do with these, thoughts, too.  For example, if they are all true (which I tend to disagree with as a blanket statement), what does it mean for them to be true?  Do they actually hold meaning, or are they merely meaningless points of non-wisdom.  For example, if there was an old adage that says, “You have to expect it to be cold in winter,” what would that mean?  Of course it’s going to be cold in winter (most places), but does that really add any value to the language?

Anyway, I like that you have scratched the surface of these ideas, but I’d really like to get deeper.  Hope to see more along these lines.

Great for a journal entry. A strong and clear reflective voice.

Proofreading notes:
old adages (redundant, adages are sayings that have gained credibility through long use. They are old.)
it’s lighthearted irreverence; = its
recommend it higher = more highly
higher and sometime (insert comma before conjunction)

I see this mostly as a blogging piece rather than a journalistic once. But it’s got a nice flow. Still it is pretty plain and it misses something that could make it more controversial or more exciting