Children's / School Days

Such a cute little story/poem. It could really work both ways.

Thanks for sharing.

I love this!  This is an awesome kindergarten book and the illustrations that would go along with it would be awesome.  PUBLISH!

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October 21, 2008

by Rowling

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
44	80.0% (35 votes)	25.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
26	F	Staten Island, NY	November 26

Thank you very much! I’m trying. :)

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This has wonderful rhythm and rhyme. A lot of the poetry, especially children’s poetry that I have read on here is hard to follow because the rhyming is awkward, but this flowed naturally. Children will enjoy it and teachers will love to share it as a “back to school” poem. Great job!

Sorry to say, but many schools don’t have blackboards or chalk anymore…at least in the USA.

Perhaps the first couplet could be…

Pens, pencils, sharpener, and notepad,
All my teacher does is blab.

I don’t know…that’s not much of an improvement.  I’ll keep thinking.

I really love it, though…it was just that couplet.
I like how the child changes his mind.  I’d love this for my own child.  It would be a great “first day of school” story for teachers to read, too.

Ahhhh this was so cute! i could imagine children relating to this. It was also sort of heart warming and i loved how you ryhmed the work. Well done!

I liked this piece, but I stumbled over the line “I would stay home if I could.”  Though after rereading it a few times I can’t come up with anything that fits or sounds better.  The rhythm and flow is very good and I like the way you move from disliking school to really having fun and liking it.  Good Job.

I had trouble with the third verse.  Technically, I guess you could say that it works, but it just doesn’t seem to flow as the rest does.  I also seemed to stumble with the sixth verse.  Again, it just didn’t seem as smooth. I had to read it twice to make it work.  Overall, it was a cute piece.

A nice simple children’s poem. I think the title “School Days” fits pretty well. Good Work.

I think a lot depends on the age group you are intending this for.

The first few stanzas seem to have a fifth grade/sixth grade voice—-the age when children start to maye be tired of school. But it is also too “light and fluffy” for an older child, with the sing-song rhyming

The last few stanzas appear more of a younger child.  But the younger child wouldn’t be thinking like the older child of the beginning.

So, I think you need to come to a decision as to what age you are writing for so the words match the style of poem/wordbook.

So, for me, you need to balance

It’s cute, only thing I see might need changing is the last stanza.  Do you really want to close with a line about lunch? As if that’s the climax to school as a kid? Maybe, but the last line has too many syllables, try “Hey, I think school’s real neat!” instead.

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October 30, 2008

by Rowling

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
44	80.0% (35 votes)	25.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
26	F	Staten Island, NY	November 26

Excellent point. I’ll consider this at final revision. Thanks!

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