Poetry / Inspillation (Analysis)

I loved it! It had rhythm, it was fun to read, and I had to read it out loud just to enjoy the sounds of the words. Not only that, but it is so true for someone learning to speak another language.

The only thing I can say for constructive criticism is that it doesn’t seem long enough, rather like you didn’t finish. This could be because you didn’t use punctuation for the most part, but it throws the reader off when you suddenly use an exclamation point. :) All in all, I love it, keep writing, and I look forward to reading more of your writing.

Love the 1st line. 3rd line superb too. 4th line i’m undecided about. A bit overdone maybe? Then again, maybe not?
Like L8; i like bilingual poems. I think ‘displacement’ works well after ‘mistaken’, nice, not too overt assonance.

Last 2 lines are the best.
I feel a bit bad not making more criticisms. But i don;t feel this kind of piece – fun, and, dare i say it, tongue in cheek – would benefit from correction. It just is what it is and some people will find it funny.
I certainly did.
In terms of improvements, i might incorporate some radically rhythmically different stanzas. For exanmple one that suddenly reads at a very fast tempo. Then slow it down. Then build it up again and so on. If you were able to do that, it would really be superb. i.e. mix a rhythmical rollercoaster in with the content.
Nice work.
8/10

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February 22, 2008

by Protagoras

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
124	75.7% (235 votes)	27.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	M	United Kingdom	November 30

...and no: I didn’t know it was yours.

actually thought it was squarehopper as he’s 43 and speaks spanish.

...and no: i wouldn’t feel compelled to praise his work; he does not always praise mine!

best,
oliver

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