thank you for the feedback. it is a little contradicting because isn’t that what we do to ourselves when a relationship ends? look at both the hurt and the benefits? we have to get over that person and move on, but sometimes we kind of want to dwell on it for while and remember.
Poetry / Remembering
The first time I heard your voice
My heart whispered
To let you in.
You had knocked and were waiting
But my last visitor
Had left things out of place.
And a smell of rotten happiness
I had learned to live with.
So, you waited. Patiently
And silently I hoped
You would go away.
Every day you would knock again
And every day I would peep out,
From the inside with
White knuckles fighting to turn the lock.
Until one day I closed my eyes
And held my breath,
And cracked the door, just a little.
Enough for you to see what was lingering there.
But you held a light to my face
And named me beautiful
And I felt safe.
You had a way
Of reaching past my resistance
And looking right through me.
As though my outside
Was just blocking the way.
The moment you would greet me
My confusion, questions and doubt
Would be checked at the door,
But they were always there waiting,
Hiding in my coat pocket,
To bring home with me again.
We started to crumble because
One small corner of
Our puzzle pieces did not fit,
Despite the feelings that overwhelmed us
And, for the first time,
Could not speak them into words.
Though the words were there
Just beneath the surface
Fighting to be heard, to be free.
But we knew their price
So we would wrestle them until we won.
Now your new name is friend
Whom I thank for forcing me
To open the windows,
sweep out cobwebs,
And chase away the ghosts
That fed off my joy.
I can now reclaim it
And call it mine again,
And slip it back into the silhouette
Of everything faded around it,
Like it was never missing at all.
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Anne_of_Thieves reviewed Version 1 -
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This is lovely! You have painted a clear and beautiful word picture. I alternate between being behind that door with you and on the other side trying to draw you out. “Rotten happiness” is a wonderful turn of phrase. The poem flows very well and in fewer than 300 words, you tell an enormous and moving story. Very nice.
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layla reviewed Version 1 -
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I really enjoyed this work.Introspection is a hard thing to share,but you have conveyed the spiraling of emotion very well.Bravo!
TheEskimo reviewed Version 1 -
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Man, your poem confused me emotionally. I really enjoyed some of your words such as, “but you held a light to my face, and named me beautiful.” However, I didn’t understand the point as I felt like you were coming from two different points of view. Like you were contradicting yourself.
Brett – The Eskimo
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