the poem is about an old man that has lost his passion for life “writing and inspiration” and is dying on the inside because of it, but an act of kindness by a little boy allows the man to find inspiration and he kind of hands over his watch symbolic of time so as to say he’s not done living yet.
Poetry / A Rush to Cure Death
He ran around the corner
So fast and so small
He bumped into a lady
Who wore furs and was tall
“Why such haste?”
Asked the woman.
“Can you not see?
Now you should not move
Till you apologize to me.”
“I’m sorry Madam,
I’m in a rush to cure death.
The old man on the by the barrel.
Is on his very last breath.”
“I’m sorry to say boy,
Death cannot be cured.
You’re young and
What I’m hearing is absurd.”
“You do not believe me.
I’ll show you, I can.
Follow me to the barrel,
And I’ll cure this old man.”
From his pocket he pulled
A quill and some ink
He gave them to the old man
Who seemed unable to think
He unfolded a piece of parchment
He had stowed away in a pocket
And in return for the boy’s kindness
Gave him a watch
To be kept in his pocket.
Before this boy came
The old man had no will to live
Now he was happy and smiled
As the boy did also
Because he had a gift to give.
“You see, I’ve cured death.”
Confused as she asked,
“How could that be?”
The boy grinned and watched.
“He’s writing again, isn’t he?”
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young_adam reviewed Version 2 -
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Such a simple poem, that takes you through a journey that encapsulates my narrow understanding of coming to terms with mortality and the dim views of the older members of the world. This really reads well, so eloquent and talented. With a great underlying foreplay of the infinite and finite all in a single squiqle of your pen.
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arandaFILMS reviewed Version 2 -
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Good work. The rhythm in the piece is highly reminiscent of “A Man Who Lived In Leeds” and “The Hearse Song.” The conversation within the poem is nicely crafted as well. I did notice that the rhythm begins to stray toward the very end when the stanzas are five lines in length, specifically the last two. The five lines work well in the second stanza where all the syllables in the adjacent stanza are mutual. At the end the additional syllables unnecessarily lengthen the piece and also disrupt the rhythm that has been building from the onset. Thanks for sharing.
mm_storyteller reviewed Version 2 -
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I like your style of writing. The poem flowed through its entirety. I am a little confused by some parts. For one, the watch, I can see what the ink and quill have to do with the poem, but not the watch. I also thought the old man was homeless; he was dying by a barrel on a street. If he is homeless why does he have a watch that would be of any value? Overall I think this is a good poem, but a little clarity would go a long way. Thanks for the read.
mm_storyteller
aliciatr reviewed Version 2 -
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Still such a beautiful piece…giving one reason to live, feeling needed, feeling loved, loving what you’re doing. Great job!
Jordan_Walsh reviewed Version 2 -
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Haha! I enjoyed this alot. The content was great. I know how hard it is to write rhyming dialogue, and to stick to a scheme, but it would’ve helped alot if you didn’t digress from the rhyme every now and then.
SoonToBeAuthor115 reviewed Version 2 -
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It’s so-so. I like how you made the fact of the old man dying into more of a joke. But on the other hand, some of the lines were awkward. One of them ends with “and.” It isn’t a bad thing don’t get me wrong. I would just revise it. Other than this, I like every part. Hope this helps and you will fix those parts!
mikeseed reviewed Version 2 -
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It’s a very sweet story. it’s nice to hear about the naive child being right for once and the world isn’t as dark as adults think. what is the boy’s relationship with the old man? is it his grandfather or something or just some random old man?
aliciatr reviewed Version 1 -
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“The old man on the by the barrel.”...this line doesn’t make sense to me. A typo, perhaps?
I love the story line of this poem…so great! Goes to show that showing interest in others is powerful.
The change in rhyme scheme in the last three stanzas did cause me to stumble when reading it, but it was great overall.
Perfect_Shadow15 reviewed Version 1 -
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I really like this. In the begining I thought it was going to be a kind of boring simple poem but I really started to love it. The rhyming is good and its just awesome. You have a talent, really. Keep using it and write more
God bless
Lauren
damian71 reviewed Version 1 -
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Is this your original work, i doubt it. but if it is it is very good. keeps you interested the whole time. hits on many levels
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