Short Story / A Single Red Rose
A Single Red Rose
Her tears dampened his shirt as he cradled her in his arms. The night air chilled them. He held her. He held her closer as she sobbed softly. He smoothed her fine curls. She looked beautiful at the beginning of the night. Her hair curled around her face, her eyes a beautiful bright green. The dark blue, satin dress flowed over her curves accentuating them. The dress was now dripping wet her hair beginning to return to its natural straightness.
“It’s okay.” He whispered softly in her ear over and over again trying to soothe her. She just buried her face deeper into his shoulder. She took a deep breath taking in his scent, a warm, sweet comforting smell. Like waking up on a bright summer morning under the covers, with a fresh breeze caressing your face through an open window and you can’t help feeling anything but safe. They were standing on a deserted patio outside their high school. They could hear the music in the distance, ever so faint. She shivered feeling alone and abandoned. He draped his jacket around her sleek ferntickled shoulders.
“Why now? Why do you have to go?” She looked up at him. Her mascara had run down her cheeks leaving long back streaks. He wiped one cheek with his thumb smudging the thin black line. She leaned into his hand seeking the warmth. He smiled down at her and kissed her gently on the forehead, pulling her into another embrace. She was like his little sister, someone he loved and needed to protect. Everything else he feared was nothing compared to how he felt leaving her unprotected. She would have to face the world without him. He wouldn’t be there to chase away those that threatened her or defend her against her enemies, but he mostly wanted to protect her from herself. She hated herself, was too harsh, too judgmental. Who would drag he was from the brink next time?
“I can’t tell you, God I hate that.” She sighed shaking her head and almost laughing a little, more tears leaked down her face. To her he was everything. He was her big brother and her best friend. But her feelings ran even deeper than that, these feelings drove her. When he walked into the room she got butterflies deep in her chest and her spine tingled. They’d only known each other for a few years, but she could hardly fathom a time without him. She told him everything. When her heart was broken it was he that sewed it back together. He had been there when she was sick; whether it was just the flue or the kind of sickness she brought on her self and couldn’t get out of. He was invaluable to her. She loved him. She wanted to be with him forever. She tried to tell him hundreds of times but she couldn’t. Could she now, now when he was about to leave forever. If she never said anything would she always regret it?
She looked into his deep, brown, chocolate eyes. No, she wouldn’t tell him, but she wouldn’t let him go either.
They were at their last school dance. She was having the time of her life. They were together dancing and laughing with everyone else they knew and loved. He took her hand and led her outside to cool down. Her big apple cheeks were red and she was slightly out of breath. It was pouring rain and they watched it fall from underneath the overhang in front of the giant glass panels in the lobby. She looked up at him and beamed, she ran into the rain, into the wild, windy storm. She jumped and spun like a child in the first summer rain. Dripping she came back to him a thousand joys reflecting in her vivid green eyes. He smiled as she ran, but when he looked in her eyes, the smile faded from his face. He took her hand.
“Listen, I want to tell you something.” He couldn’t meet her gaze. It was too hard, instead her stared at her hand uncomfortably. He was suddenly reminded of when he had found her laying on her bedroom carpet an empty pill bottle next to her unconscious body. After her stomach had been pumped he couldn’t look at her for weeks, he was so angry at her for trying to leave him. He wondered how angry she would be now, for leaving her. Would she ever think of him the same again?
“I-I-I’m not coming to school on Monday.” He said. She laughed and arched an eyebrow.
“Is that it? Gee I thought you were actually going to say something bad.”
“No I mean I’m not coming to school at all anymore.” She looked at him perplexed.
“I don’t understand.”
“We’re moving tonight. It’s really fast, I know and I don’t know why, but we are and… and I can’t come back.”
“What!” she pulled her hand away.
“I can’t come back… or” he took a deep breath and said to the ground, “or ever see you again.” She stared at him dumbfounded, then turned and walked into the rain, keeping her back to him, trying to take it in.
“I can’t see you ever again.” He whispered, hardly believing the words himself. He looked up at her; she felt his stare and turned. Bewilderment and horror were stuck on her face. That’s when the tears had started and she sank to her knees.
The rain had stopped and now it was time for him to leave. She held him close, refusing to let go. He tilted her chin up to him and looked into her green eyes, he would remember the pain in them forever and whenever he thought of her there would be a stab of guilt, but he wouldn’t live long enough to apologize. He looked at her and kissed her, softly on the lips. Their first and last kiss. Sweet and innocent, yet filled with sorrow, guilt, regret, and an unspoken passionate love. He pulled away from her and handed her a red rose that had been concealed in his jacket all night. She clutched it to her. He looked at her face one last time, taking the moment in. He turned to the black sedan that had pulled up to the curb. As he turned her hand slid off his shoulder leaving a tingling, longing sensation in her fingertips. She watched as he climbed in the car and shut the door. The car pulled out and she as watched the tail lights fade into the dark she quietly whispered “I love you” into the cold lonely night. She crumpled to the cement dropping the rose. It began to rain again, the drops fell into the cold dark night on a lonely, heart-broken, soulless girl and a single red rose.
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I think this is a solid start. You have some great descriptive passages – they’re a little belabored, but they paint great pictures.
That being said, I don’t think the reader has a chance to become invested your characters. There is very little story being told in real time – everything appears to be either back story, explicit descriptions of the relationship between the characters, or repetitive imagery. I would love more of a story line.
The plot that is included is very vague. Where is he going? Why can’t he ever see or talk to her again? If they’re the same age and both in high school, how can they be like a big brother and a little sister?
The single rose is a good image – but I think it could be stronger. Why does the rose symbolize their relationship. I think you could make that parallel more defined.
I think you do a great job of creating a palpable tension between the characters, but this piece would greatly benefit from some clarification and tightening.
Great start.
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I really enjoyed this. I felt so sorry for the girl when the boy had to leave and it really makes me wonder why he is leaving. I wish yo could have told us readers! One thing i noticed is some spelling errors, just small ones, and how you sort of listed the events that toke place in the first paragraph. If you could maybe seperate them with commas, the story would fow better in the begining. Other then that i relly like it and see it getting published. Goog job and Good luck!
Who would drag he was from the brink next time? —not sure what you mean by this sentence.
flue— you mean “flu”
was too hard, instead her stared at her hand uncomfortably—- “instead he stared
heart-broken, soulless girl and a single red rose—I don’t think she is soulless, as otherwise she couldn’t be heartbroken.
Overall I think you did a good job of conveying to the reader the intensity of the emotions the two characters are feeling towards one and other. I think perhaps you could have introduced the location sooner or set the scene a little better as I was a bit confused in the beginning as to where they were, but then again I am not even so sure that is necessary. I would also maybe change the last few words of the last line in order to make have an even greater impact on the reader. It was a pleasure to read.
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