Poetry / "Dialogue"

Haha. This was lovely, just lovely. I like how there’s definitely an unrequited love and it seems the one in love is trying to have the conversation and the other one sort of doesn’t care xD It works brilliantly. A solid 9 from me because I enjoyed it.

You wrote “series”... I’ll definitely stop by another time to see if there’s more of this!

It is difficult to critique something that is intentionally nonsensical. I’m not sure what to say other than “hey, it rhymes and it’s cute”!

That said, I think that there could be a decent “sing-songy” kind of meaning to this if presented as a stream-of-conscious, silly conversation between lovers. For that to be effective, I’d suggest losing the bit about Billy. It doesn’t have the potential of intimacy as do the rest of the lines. It feels like it was dropped in, just to rhyme.

At the very least, this made me smile.

Good luck.

Interesting. Kind of cute. I think if you fleshed it out more, though, it could be better – but somehow keeping those same words in there?

wow.  this just works on so many levels.  my favorite exchange was “theres billy…”  ”he’s hot.”  very well done.  perfect timing, perfect meter.  just rolls off and resonates.  i think everyone’s been there.  excellent.

This is purely the randomness of a modern day relationship. How love is just something on a memo that has to be fulfilled. I like it for it’s simplicity.