No explaining to do because as you can read at the end she is wearing a wig and it says “Underneath was a beautiful bald head that matched the head of her handsome prince.”
Maybe you just didn’t get that far.
When he says he’s “bald and not as handsome” He is talking like someone who has misgivings about his looks, like many people do, men going bald think it’s shameful, that’s why thye do the comb-over thing, people who go through chemo worry about losing their hair and how they will be seen by others. People worry about being too fat, too short, too tall not muscular enough and people worry about having crooked noses that is why we have plastic surgeons to fix that. So I don’t see any problem in the frog being bald, sorry if you do. By the way, when was the last time you saw a frog with a nose, a screwed up one at that.
Children's / The Frog Prince
Once upon a time, there was a young frog, who heard that the beautiful princess was searching for a prince.
Knowing that it would take but a kiss from her to turn him into her prince, he made his way to the pond where she could be found thinking and wishing.
When he got there, he looked into the pond at his reflection. He gasped at what he saw.
“Why would a beautiful princess want to kiss me?” He thought,”What, with my beady eyes and warts, and worst of all my bald head!” What am I to do?”
The young frog was heartbroke knowing that he would not get the chance to be kissed by the princess and be her prince forever.
A pond fairy heard his sobs and asked what was wrong.
“The princess is searching for a prince and if she would only kiss me I could be her handsome prince, but I am so ugly I would only scare her away.”
“Don’t cry froggy.You are not as ugly as you think. Maybe I can help you.”
“How?” the frog asked, excited that he might get his kiss.
“Well, I can’t change your eyes or warts, those are natural for a frog,”the fairy circled the frog, looking at him carefully.
Then the fairy snapped her fingers and flew off in a flash. Before frog knew it she was back again.
“I borrowed some fur from Mr. Beaver so I can make you a wig. The princess will be sure to kiss you now!”
The fairy threw the fur up in the air along with some fairy dust and when it came down it was shaped into a wig.
Fairy placed the wig on the frog and when the frog looked at his reflection he was happy with what he saw.
“Wow,”the frog cried,”Thank-you so much!”
“Good luck!” the fairy called as the frog hopped happily over to where the princess was.
When he got close enough, he croaked his strongest croak and the princess turned to look at him.
“Oh,my,what a handsome frog! Maybe if I kiss you, you will turn into a handsome prince, and we could live happily ever after!”
She picked him up and closed her eyes. She made a wish and kissed the frog.
A golden cloud whirled around them and when the princess opened her eyes, there stood a handsome but bald prince in front of her with a tuft of beaver fur on his head.
She let out a giggle.
The prince wondered what was so funny and looked at his reflection in the pond.
He was so embarassed at the sight that he wanted to run away.
“Don’t leave me, my Prince,” the princess said as she grabbed his arm.
“Why should I stay? I am bald and not as handsome as you deserve.”
“You are perfect.” said the princess.
Before the prince could say anything else, the princess reached up to her hair and pulled it off.
It was a wig! Underneath was a beautiful bald head that matched the head of her handsome prince.
He looked at her in surprise at first but then he smiled and the both began to laugh.
The prince held out his arm and the princess took it. They walked away together,arm in arm, bald heads shining in hte sunset, and they lived happily ever after.
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a young frog, who heard – no comma needed
a kiss from her to turn him into her prince, he made his way – That’s a lot of pronouns…a bit more vocab variety would be nice here.
heartbroke – heartbroken
Thank-you – no hyphen needed
The story’s pretty lifeless right now, and there’s very little meaningful imagery in your words. You can see what you’re writing about, but your audience can’t. Give us more. I don’t really believe that a patch of beaver fur is going to make a frog look charming to a princess. It doens’t work for me.
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i think this is a cute spin on an old fairy tale. good job!!! you have a few sentences that need correcting, but otherwise, i think it’s great. some of the sentences are:
1) “Before frog knew it she was back again.” i think u left out the word “the” in there.
2) “Well, I can’t change your eyes or warts, those are natural for a frog,”the fairy circled the frog, looking at him carefully.
make this two separate sentences instead of one with a comma. it just sounds a lot better.
also, you used the words “the fairy” a lot on the bottom on the first page. maybe try substituting the word “she” in there for “the fairy.” i felt like it was a bit redundant, so i had a harder time reading it.
overall, very good!!!!
of the many children’s books i have read never i have i read on that didn’t start off with Once upon a time, aw well, why change what works. this is a good piece, i actually read this to my little sister, she really loved it. keep up the good work.
This just reminds me how really horribly cheesy children’s stories were when I was little, but I enjoyed it.
“Oh,my,what “
Don’t put the commas around ‘my’, but one after and that’s it.
“Don’t cry froggy”
Put a comma after ‘cry’ and capitalize ‘froggy’.
I think it is very cute. A nice turn on a classic story. I think my children would find it quite amusing. Good job!
Adorable! Very original idea to put a wig on a frog and then have the princess bald in the end. This could be a good book for children undergoing cancer treatment who have lost their hair. It would be uplifting to them at a bad time in life. You might have a little more interaction between the frog and princess when they meet. More dialogue.
Hmmmmmmm…
I’m not sure I’m crazy about this one. I’ve read a gazillion frog-prince stories. When the princess says, “Oh, maybe I’ll kiss you and you’ll turn…” That’s kind of rushed. He should jump around and try to get her attention first. He should swat flies away from her, sit on her lap and give her googly eyes, maybe do a little dance. He just walks up and she declares, “Oh, you’re probably a prince. I should kiss you.” It’s a bit much.
“You are not as ugly as you think…” OUCH! Talk about a back-handed compliment.
“I am bald and not as handsome…” What’s that saying about bald men? What if the reader of this book has a bald father or grandfather? Bald is gorgeous on many men. Maybe you could give your frog a screwed up nose or something.
“there stood a handsome but bald prince…” OUCH again. But for his baldness, he would be handsome? That’s not a good message! Think about cancer patients! What if a child who had lost their hair due to illness got a hold of this book? You would have some esplainin’ to do!
Awww this is a really cute story. Its clear and short enough for smaller kids to be able to enjoy it without losing interest due to length. I only have one thing I dnt get. Is his name froggy or does the fairy just call him that? Really that’s my only issue other then that great job :)
This is a very interesting parody on the classic story. I am very impressed, to be quite honest. Most parodies are just rip offs, but this is well put together.
I think you were in a rush to type this: the second to last line says ‘the’ instead of they and in the last paragraph is kind of dislexic (just like me… LOL)
Other than these SIMPLE flaws, I see nothing wrong. This story is simple, cute, and has a good choice of wording. Very fitting for a children’s story.
This would make a cute short story for a children’s magazine perhaps. It’s an interesting take on the frog prince tale. It would be too gimmicky I think for a picture book.
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