I am actually more of a short story writer because I’ve always had trouble writing effective dialogue. I wrote a few short scenes out of experimentation. Thanks for the advice. This is probably the most constructive review I’ve gotten on this piece yet.
Stage Play / What Now?
What Now?
by Michael B. Seed
(An older woman and a younger man hold each other intimately as if they were a loving couple despite their inappropriate age difference.)
Old woman- Well? (Lovingly and slightly awe struck.)
(Enters a young woman. Over come by a wave of shock at what she sees before her she freezes. A moment passes before the couple notices her presence. They quickly separate from their embrace and stand in a manner of awkward shame.)
Man- I’m sorry. (His voice full of guilt and sympathy.)
Young woman- Mom. (In utter disbelief of what’s in front of her.)
(The man approaches her and tries to put his arms around her shaking body.)
Young woman- No. (Angered, she shakes her head and jerks her body from him.)
Man- Lucy…. (Trying to speak but not knowing what to say he stops talking and just stares into her quivering eyes with his gentle hand on her shoulder.)
Old woman- Since your father….. Tom….. I love him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I….. (Unsure of how to put her jumbled thoughts into words she spits out a few stammering incomplete phrases until she gives up and goes silent. She stands utterly motionless and impassively unemotional.)
(The young woman walks off stage holding back the tears of betrayal.)
Man- What now? (Bewildered and emotionally broken by what has just happened he rethinks if he truly loves his now ex-fiancés mother or if he made an earth shattering and irreversible mistake.)
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BeautifullyxChaoticxMess reviewed Version 2 -
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Wow…the ending was intense. I’d love to read more.
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Jessica42 reviewed Version 2 -
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It is good, original, and overall a decent plot. You include enough stage directions so i can see exactly what you want to convey with this. However, I would consider expanding short dialouge if you want this performed onstage.
icedsapphire reviewed Version 2 -
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I think I may have figured out why you did not find your over-all play successful.
You have too much junk on the page.
As a play, the inside thoughts and emotions are not interesting unless you get your characters to verbally express them. So when you type things like, “Bewildered and emotionally broken by what has just happened…” your audience will be sitting there yawning. Remind yourself constantly: you are writing a play not a novel or short story.
Take out the fluffy “he feels” “she feels” and stick to what matters: the dialogue and light blocking (and by light I mean keep blocking to a minimum and only what is absolutely necessary).
BTHEME reviewed Version 2 -
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it had me realy wanting more and also i wanted to here a little more about the girl and her mother so i hope their is a part two
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Version 2
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