Humor/Satire / The Obedient Two Year Old

I found this piece really interesting, because it was a funny store.  I found that it needs some editing though. There are several little things that aren’t perfect with it, like some punctuation errors and a few sentences that don’t flow all that well.  Other than that, things seem to be really good.  It definitely made me laugh.  

How cute and adorable a two year old is…  In trying to flush himself down the toilet it seems he was taking what Daddy said literally…  In reading this I remember how my children were…  Thank you for a belly laugh.

A cute story. I wish you could bring the reader into the story more, though, instead of just leaving them on the outside, as if they are watching through a window. I would say less narration from the narrator, essentially, would make this piece stronger. It’s the difference between an adult telling the story of his childhood as he remembers it, and a child telling it as he experienced it.

This was entertaining. I could see what was coming really early on though. Maybe because I have a little 20 month old. I’m interested in the  narrative and if you intended the gramatical style, and the errors here and there as well. The style itself seems fitting for this story to be told, almost exactly how it is written, and it helps take on a character who is telling it, and I really like that. It has a distinct flavour.

There isnt much I would change.  The bit in the parenthesis, I would have said (that thing was always giving him trouble)  You could maybe break it apart into paragraphs, making it easier to follow, but other than that, I enjoyed it.  Is this a true story?  If it is that makes it even funnier.

I think the impact of the ending would be strengthened if you elaborated on the search.  Make the search more desperate, make us feel the emotions of the people doing the searching, so the light-heartedness of the child trying to flush himself down the toilet would have a bigger foil.

this is very funny.  I am always amazed that children take everything we say so literally.  The only problem inoticed is that “need less” should be all one word. good job

I thought it was better written this time around, I noticed you have corrected the points, suggested in my last review and it does read better with those points changed.