Poetry / The Gift of You
As sand settles on a sea of dunes,
And the skies rise in splendid glory,
A man’s life is reduced to faded memories,
Still alive with the air of our story.
To live in the world of untempered love,
And find the peace so Longley sought,
The breath of all stands fierce on the brink,
To stay in a place of which we so tenderly fought.
My mind sees all the things made possible,
By living at your side,
From there the birth of all hope springs,
Surviving the blast when our worlds collide.
Forever in my heart is the remembrance of you held,
With hair of amber and eyes of the purest blue,
And in weighing the gifts all humanity can yield,
Pale when viewed against the light of the gift that is you.
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This is a very nice sweet poem. I think you may be able to leave out the word “all” in 11th line bc you just used it in the 9th. Good work
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A very touching poem. Now one of my favorites.
“And in weighing the gifts all humanity can yield,
Pale when viewed against the light of the gift that is you” – my favorite lines.
This is what I would call a timeless piece because it deals with a lasting emotion, love. This piece could touch a variety of people, no matter the age or sex. That is what makes a classic in my opinion. Thank you for the read.
mm_storyteller
I like much of this quite a lot. One thing that would help me to enjoy it even better would be the removal (completely) of the word “all.” Find something more concrete to replace this with, as it is impossibly vague—like “infinity.”
My favourite image is “The breath of all stands fierce on the brink,” although better with the all removed. Somehow, I automatically replaced this with the word “awe” and, while it didn’t necessarily make sense with the rest of the poem, I really liked it in the line.
Nice use of rhythm and rhyme, too. I hope to read more of your work!
Michael
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