Poetry / Line me up

This poem feels alot to me like freeverse. One thing, the format that you have set it up online for the first half of th poem is difficult to read because of how the words are seperated. I loved the poem however.

Personally, I love it!  Provoking thought, inviting mystery and contemplation, open to individual interpretation – rather than spelling it all out for us.

“Bringing all higher mind processes
back to the same old flat thoughts.
Forging or exploring
no new shape or direction,
here in this sadly over populated plain,
there is no lesson.”

This showing the distaste the writer has for the mundane – as do I!  Instead, the writer insists on creative thought, which is required in hopes of experiencing the “new”.

This is great. It deals with human condition stuff creatively. I love how the lines break at the begining to go along with the content and then again, equally line up when the content changes. I love that! Actually, I dig all the word play in this. i think the last line is perfect. I love a wrap-it-up last line. I think “processes” could be process on the 32nd line. Good work.

I’m not a big fan of physical poetry, but aside from that I liked the subject of your poem, and the rhyming.  Several of your images are familiar, so I’d caution you to try to see them in a new way.  It’s not that you don’t have good moments that exemplify this aspect.  I liked the sense of movement in the “second stanza,” for instance.  I think maybe more active verbs might help.  Instead, for example, of “bringing all higher mind processes back to the same of flat thoughts,” I’d look for a more novel, visual way of imagining this, and incorporate stronger verbs with a better image.  Of course, particularly in this example, you might strive for something that captures the sense of this “fall from grace” you’re talking about.

Hope this helps.

Michael

It was a little all over the place, it has nice imagery but the flow makes it hard to read, especially the way the stanzas are formed, with a little reworking I feel this could be a truly great piece.

One of my new favorites. It’s scattered, but it makes sense. Good job, can’t wait to read more of your work.

mm_storyteller