Humor/Satire / Hall Cloggers

I liked it overall. A few things, such as “pure evil stupidity”, could be changed to make the piece sound a little better. “Because the have a secret…” the should be they, not a big deal though.

This piece is excellent and incredibly funny. As a high school student myself I know all to welll about the hall cloggers. I’ll take the fight to my school as well.
Thanks for the laughs
Jodie

Brilliant work!  Having gone to a large school, I understand your frustration with the “Hall-Cloggers.” It was excruciatingly painful when “Normal-Paced” students dealt with the “Hall-Cloggers” on the stairs. Nightmarish I tell you! I gave you all tens because you have successfully described a pet peeve.  Also you have demonstrated a great ability to construct a well written paragraph that clearly and concisely gets your point across.  Another reason is that you wrote something humorous of the frustrations people of all ages experience.  But more importantly, I have personally experienced the same problems. Keep on writing.

The title of this story compelled me to read it. The references to their “evil stupidity” made me smile. “Plungers of the Hall” is a hilarious phrase! This story was disappointingly short—it left me wishing for more. I would have enjoyed reading a scene describing an actual confrontation between a Plunger of the hall and a Hallclogger.

“pure evil stupidity” purely evil stupidity is better, though these two ideas don’t match up very well. “Ignorance” is historically held as being have more inherently evil qualities.

I liked this. It’s very well written, your ideas are articulated very nicely. I’d like to see more detail regarding your plan to speed up traffic in the hallways. Get more creative – minimum pedestrian traffic speeds posted on signs, shorter intervals between classes, a blow horn, etc.
Did you get a good grade on the paper?

Travis

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June 04, 2008

by marshmellotoast

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
48	73.3% (15 votes)	19.5%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
16	F	Slidell, LA	November 18

thanks for your comment, my english teacher never kept up very much with her work load and to be honest, I don’t think she even handed the papers back. Oh well, the result was worth the effort =]

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Wow really funny. I remember those days, they would just plop themselves in the middle of the hall or worse yet in front of the door your aiming for when its not even their class!!! The one thing I didn’t get happened 2 be in the first line ‘fifth hour’ is this like what you call 5th period? Other then that it was great. Keep up the good work :)

Very well written, unique story.  Spelling, sentence structure, grammar and punctuation are all very good.  Good flow, easy to follow.  I can’t really critique it though, it works as written.  I’d like to read more.  Good job!

the subject matter you chose for a humor piece was very good because it is something everyone can realate to. to make it a true satire piece there are a couple things you need to work on: firstly, you need to broaden your word usage. this means use uncommon and somtimes made up wackey adjective. another thing is you need to add some outrageous element. usually in satire, to make it not seem like a fantasy, the narrator will insert an outrageous image as an opinion. this is a good tool to help the reader invision the humor and irony of your story in there minds as a funny picture to go along with a funny story.

i really enjoyed the who, what, where, when, how part at the very beginning. its a very clever, comedic was to start the tone of the piece.
overall, i thought this piece was quite witty and an enjoyable read. do you ever plan on embelishing on it? i feel like it would make a very good longer novel.
best of luck and keep writing.