Poetry / First Embrace (Analysis)

Not bad—certainly a very formal style…I would recommend straightening out some of those inversions, especially line 3. And the vocal O isn’t spelled with an H at the end.

i like the content and word usage, it’s beautiful really. one discrepancy i found is that it is not necessary to capitalize every line… only the beginning of a sentence. Which leads to the lack of punctuation. So i like the words and the structure, just needs the punctuation so it can read more smoothly. good job though. keep writin’!

This is a nice piece to give to your girlfriend. It reads very traditional. It sounds like a good piece that follows all the other poems written before it. No offense meant. Love poems are difficult to write because they all seem to sound alike. The fact that almost everyone at somepoint in their life has written a love poem makes it hard to find a new way to state facts and feelings in the manner.

The hair, lips, sky and fire….these things seem to always repeat in love poems. maybe mix it up and change these things that have become cliche.

Overall, I would give this to my girlfriend no doubt, but it sounds like alot of other poems. Yours is clean and clear from mistakes which makes it a smooth read.

While I will never claim to be an expert on poetry, I do like this poem. There were a few rough patches where the rhythm seemed off but I think if you break up some of the longer sentences, that should help the lines flow more smoothly. All in all though. A really nice poem. Romantic, which I imagine was the point.

I think this is a great start.  If I might make a few suggestions….I would change, “These gentle lips do for you wait” to “These gentle lips do wait for you”     The other suggestion is to change up the last line a bit.  It misses the flow you have going.