Poetry / The Night the Moon was Brightest (Analysis)

Now this is definitely not my sort of poem or style but I will do my best in being unbiased. First off, I think you stuck to your rhyming scheme well but perhaps too well and gives the feeling of almost mundane. I think you should have switched it up a bit for variance. I feel the emotion there but I feel you could let them pour their feeling out a bit more because I feel like you are just saying this and not meaning it. And just a pet peeve of mine you put “to.”

Touching. Little perplexing, in that I’m not sure whether the main body of the work is being read from “the letter”, or said by the speaker. Other than that, not bad at all.

There are times when your meter or rhyme scheme falters. But sometimes, even in the great works, that happens. Sometimes you rhyme – sometimes you don’t. Strictly speaking, you should commit to one and use it throughout. But I see what you’re doing and you can probably get away from it. I like the plaintive sound and this is a beautiful poem. It’s a little innocent – which works well for poetry. “Trees” but Kilmer is a lot like this.

I’m probably going to get dinked for this, but this is an excellent piece, expecially considering your age. It’s a bit immature, but a lot of the good stuff is, poetry should be approachable. And actually, Shelley’s stuff is really mature, but who wants to read it? You have a couple of awkard word choices, Like “Until I lie and burn” and “I love you sweetheart”. But this will change with age, and the more you read other poetry and learn more about yourself.

This is an excellent poem, I wish I could be more critical, but it is a remarkable effort and I really enjoyed it, the things that were right about it were really right anf the few things wrong with it are things that will change with age.

I think that you’re reasonably good at creating imagery.  Unfortunately, that imagery is still of the same-old-same-old:

“I heard a distant songbird sing
On a night the moon was full, and big”

Songbirds and full moons?  Heard it all before, mate.

“You promised me that you’d be there
You swore to me that you really cared”

Sounds like somebody whining about a breakup.  Nothing interesting in these lines.

“It’s song was sad, but I felt better
I wasn’t alone, as I read the letter”

Cheesy rhyme!

“It’s for the best, we both decided
But inside I just could no hide it”

Even if “no hide it” were grammatically correct, you’d be writing straight out of a pop music lyric book.

You get my drift.  Try to create more distinctive imagery.

I liked this poem, a lot.

I loved that you started describing the time and place, establishing a scene before portraying your story.

The repetition of the line “On the night the moon could banish fear
The brightest night, of all the year” was also a bit of genius, introducing the setting to begin your poem, and drawing the reader back to the setting after the story was told. The conclusion was concise and surmised the whole poem.

My only criticism is that sometimes it is distracting when a writer rhymes some lines but not others without a pattern. And the second to last line ended with “too” but I think you had intended the word “to.”

Other than that, I feel that this was a very strong poem. Well done!