Poetry / LYRICAL TETRIS (Analysis)

back again. frankly it’s a bit overwrought near the ending, but i hope you’re inspired, and turning down different avenues. the physical renaissance sounds good on the page. the one line that really fascinated me was, “showing the truth…to see lies…never lead lives.” why written on old papers? why resist the only existence you have? meaning doesn’t just present itself, it must be sought out and recognized because only then can you truly appreciate it. again, don’t know the intent of the last 5 lines. that’s all i got.

Your choice of words is impressive. It shows a vocabulary broader than the average person, which will serve you well as a writer. Keep that up, never think you know all the synonymes to any given word.
The rhyming is very good. I think it needs to be a little more clear to the reader what you are writing about. It seems to get lost in all the words. It is possible to over do something.
Tidy it up a little and you have a gem.

A good start but needs some revision.  The wording is a bit awkward at times, does not flow as smoothly.  For example the first few line,

“written on old papers
that hold my old vapors
my cipher like vipers “

are very good.  Not only does they seem just flow of the tongue but also are very visual. Yet the following lines, seem a bit more awkward,

“to those too naive to see lies
following your own plans never lead lives
lyrical circumcision,of the fiction”

If you could perhaps restructure this or reword, this piece could be much improved and make a good poem even better.

This is very good. I love that you expressed your feelings in a way that the reader can connect. Trust me, i know what it feels like. this piece is describing evrything i feel as well.

I mostly feel that rhyming is over rated these days. Expression should advance over time as the new and old mesh. But, I found myself really enjoying this work. The rhyme is well done and never trite. And, like Maxwell house always said I found this good to the last drop. Thank you for a great poem.