Lyrics / Transparent Man (Analysis)

I liked the symbolism of the transparent man, as well as the word usage.  Some parts seem a little vague, but not useless-it’s like they help the flow but don’t contribute to the meaning, at least from what I could tell.  But a very nice, original read.  You made good use of repetition.  Keep it up.  

One of the better set of lyrics that I have seen.  Doesn’t sound like anything I hear all the time and even better – no rhymes.  Or at least, none that make it sound like a greeting card.  Just because of that lack fo rhyme I am having a hard time hearing it in my head, and that’s always a major part of lyrics…

“Day to day he lives out his lives” – is ‘lives’  a typo?

a little too repeatitive for me, but interesting.  I want to hear it put to music, so while I cannot say for sure if it will be a success…  I like it.
Best of luck

I really enjoyed this.
It’s got a certain charm about it, just can’t put my finger on what exactly it is though. The way you wrote this makes the reader (or listener) symphathise with the ‘transparent man’, and the reference to the change in life throughout is something a lot of people can relate to.
I’d love to hear this being perfomed.

I love reading lyrics in general because it makes me want to hear the song, and no less with this piece.  Wonderful use of words to get your point across…I especially appreciate the line “On the fringe of the world’s parade, longing to be near, like he’s often prayed.”  It says so much in one sentence.  It’s a song that definitely makes you think…very nice job!

I like this lyrics, they flow and sound smooth in my mind. However, I believe this will be quite a sad song yes? If you are intending to form this into a song, what intstruments would you include with it? I can think of an acoustic guitar with these lyrics, something quite Newton Faulkner-ish.

I can see how this song could relate to an audience, and being alone like the transparent man would attract a wide range of people considering it’s a common thing to feel. It also touches the heart while reading it which is a clever trick to include in your writing, to make a direct approach to the reader/listener.

Overall, this piece is beautifully done and the only thing I could say negative about it is that it’s quite depressing but then again, some of the most famous songs in the world are depressing. Good luck with it.

It leaves alot to the imagination, as would a transparent man.  I would like to hear the song, and how it goes.  It reminds me of a character from a book ca lled the Neon Bible, by John Kennedy Toole.  

It outlines the life any random person almost.  Change is constant, and the average man is transparent at some point or another.

I think you have nice wording, and as a song it flows, but it seems a bit short. I like your sentences and diction. Now by the note, does this mean that this has already been published, or that it’s not yours?

this is just the chorus right?  there’s no meat here.  keep going.  it sound’s like this man has  a story to tell.  please tell it.

I think this one really depends on the music.  Transparent Man is a great image.  The lyrics are almost there.  Does everything point toward transparency?  Focus, focus, focus.  Distill, distill until all that is left is the essence.  Get rid of the word “desperately” in the first line.  All of us are desperate one way or another and don’t like hear it.

This is an interesting piece – not as cliched as a lot of lyrics these days.
As lyrics, I think they’re fine, provided that they’re accompanied by some great music. As poetry, however, I think more work needs to be done – repetition is fine but there is too much repetition of ‘Transparent Man’ in this to stand out from the rest of the lyrics.