Poetry / A Corrupted Marble (Analysis)

With all the global warming buzz going on today you have placed simplicity on a subject that has become boring. You have gave me a new energy when dealing with the our small space.Thank you.

I enjoyed the suprise ending. the third line..leave out the 1st “of” out.
Instead of “played with”(5th line..maybe bring in word “corrupted”...”day after selfish day”...”what I am talking about “is” our own….these sug. might smooth it out a little. Nice poem.

I really like your concept here, but I think by the end you get too telly. The reader should be able to gather through description or some other way that you’re talking about the Earth. There can be other references interspersed to get us there.

I like stanza 1 except for the last line which gets a bit preach-y. Stanzas 2 and 3 are good. I like them quite a bit. Then that last stanza just continues with the preaching/telling bit. I think what would help is to connect your reader emotionally to the concept of the corrupted marble—make me love it, relish it and mourn for it’s potential loss. You may have to make the poem longer to achieve this, but I think you’re on the right path and you’ve got more good stuff than bad!

metaphors are great devices, but their use is undone when we blatently tell the audiance what the methaphor is.
if it’s not clear at the end of the poem, you might have to go back and rework it to make your point clear w/o having to state it so plainly. the message is a huge part of reading/writing poetry but how it’s delived is why people read poems.

Great metaphors of earth. Bravo!

It seems pretty trite to rhetorically ask the reader what you’re speaking of and then go ahead and tell them right after, making the entire piece seem futile. I’d suggest removing the the last three lines. Also this whole piece came off as very redundant. The idea of it is good, but I think you could deliver it in a more concise way…veering from such obvious hints, so to give the reader some more room for interpretation. Some of the spelling and punctuation irked me too, but I think the structure could work with some re-wording and, like I said, the dropping of the last thee lines.