Poetry / At the Community Cemetery

It was like I was there. I can also feel the cold, wind, icy hair whipping face. Altogether very thorough but startling. I’m sorry if you had to go through that..

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July 26, 2008

by HMStocker

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
47	78.3% (23 votes)	28.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
36	F	Powhatan, VA	July 15

It was a moment I witnessed from afar and it was so poignant and so…sad. I played with stuff a bit. In reality, they were two older ladies, though clearly a mom and her daughter. In writing this, I wanted the daughter younger than 60+. I have no idea who they were really visiting.

I was in my car, stopped and just watched them. It was a powerful moment, which I long to convey in the poem.

July 27, 2008

by evgenia

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
43	85.0% (20 votes)	21.2%

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24	F	United States	September 23

You did that very well! I felt it like you describe it here – a flurry of emotions -  cold and sad. You painted it :) Isn’t it amazing how words can substitute all other arts? ))

July 27, 2008

by HMStocker

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
47	78.3% (23 votes)	28.0%

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36	F	Powhatan, VA	July 15

Truly amazing. It’s the challenge of it all and I’m completely 100% in love with that challenge. What could possibly be better than word pictures?

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Definitely got a good image, or not so good one considering what I saw. My only suggestion would be to consider changing a couple of your line breaks in lines 10-12…it read bumpy. maybe something like,

”...as you tuck green stems
into the cold cement vase
built into her daddy’s head stone.
You and she stiffly embrace…”- just a thought.  

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July 25, 2008

by HMStocker

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
47	78.3% (23 votes)	28.0%

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36	F	Powhatan, VA	July 15

Thanks Joel. Good advice. That has given me a fit and I’ve played with it quite a bit. I like your suggestion.

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Firstly, i would just like to say, that i have only rated this poem so, because i know that its difficult to get writings published.
Secondly, this is a really good poem!
The imagery, the flow, the short and delicate nature of the poem all make it a throughly good read!
My favourite line is line 6, the imagery there sounds believeable, as in the way you write it make it sound as if the scarf could snap in the wind which is a very interesting image!

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem, so now I think i’ll read some more of your work.

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July 25, 2008

by HMStocker

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
47	78.3% (23 votes)	28.0%

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36	F	Powhatan, VA	July 15

Thanks again! This is one of my fave poems that I’ve written and it’s gotten mixed reviews in workshop—people seem to either love it or hate it. I happen to love it. It really captures a scene I saw here in Powhatan about a year and a half ago or so.

My work, just as a warning, is all over the place genre-wise. I enjoy different types of poetry/fiction etc. So you can’t judge how one thing will go from another. I don’t think I have a certain “style”, but I could be blind to it. I’ll also stop by and see what you’ve got—-reciprocity is a beautiful thing!

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Hi, Heather. :) Ok, line break weirdness: vase built into her daddy’s head. Ouch. No wonder they had to bury him. I think it’s interesting that the “you” character is the active one, the one who seems compassionate, and yet the other character gets the speaker’s sympathy (it’s “HER” daddy, for example). I guess I’m wondering about the characters here…why the stiff embrace? Where do they go? I know, it’s a poem, and I am no poet, but I still think you’re trying to communicate something here, and I’m missing the context.  Is it the context or I that is missing something? I’d say ‘too thin’ but you know that could never be me!