Attn. Mr …:
When a discharged Australian Commando takes a job at a Surfers Paradise nightclub, he unwittingly puts himself and his fiancée on a collision path with drugs, thugs and a Federal Detective.
A thriller, named for the seedy Australian nightclub where this tale takes place, ‘The Gauntlet’ explores how far a man who will go to bring justice to those who have wronged him. The protagonist is a hard working employee who is unsuspectingly drawn into a battle for his life, the life of his fiancée and their unborn child. Throughout the manuscript the protagonist becomes immersed in the drug trade, and despite his best efforts, cannot work to free himself from the shackles of crime. The owner of the club is a major player in the drug dealing world and this tale’s antagonist. Meanwhile, breathing down the protagonist’s back is a headstrong detective looking to break down a major Australian drug ring. ‘The Gauntlet’ is suited to the times, with the nightlife currently becoming a major issue in Queensland and Australia.
The manuscript is based on my own experiences working in the nightclub industry. It is complete at 90,000 words. I have decided to query your agency due to your reputable experience representing authors in the crime and thriller genres. I have the first three chapters, or the complete manuscript, ready for you to view.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to further contact with your agency.
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I love the line drugs, thugs
A thriller, named for the seedy Australian nightclub where this tale takes place, ‘The Gauntlet … this may be stronger if worded different. ... The Gauntlet, a thriller named after etc…
drug dealing world and this tale’s antagon ... it may be just me, but im not sure what this means
i think t safe to say the nightlife has always been a major issue in every city
i is complete .. i think you may need to add a ‘D’ here
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The plot sounds interesting. Below you will find a few suggestions for improving your letter.
drugs, thugs and a Federal Detective. is there a specific drug, say cocaine. if so, how about: cocaine, thugs and an FBI agent (or the equivalent in Oz)
discharged Australian Commando – discharged? do you mean kicked out for bad behavior? Or did he leav on his own accord?
a job at a Surfers Paradise nightclub ( the “a” implies that it’s a chain nightclubs. is it?) – a job at Surfer’s Paradise – a nightclub: reads better
named for the seedy Australian nightclub where this tale takes place, ‘The Gauntlet: this is confusing. you’ve named two nightclubs. too much info for a query. just mention the one most relevant to understanding the plot.
breathing down the protagonist’s back – nice phrasing
the Gauntlet’ is suited to the times, with the nightlife currently becoming a major issue in Queensland and Australia. how about ”The Gauntlet parallels a focus on current events in Queensland and Australia where nightclub related crimes are on the rise.
The manuscript is based on my own experiences working in the nightclub industry. It is complete at 90,000 words. I have decided to query your agency due to your reputable experience representing authors in the crime and thriller genres. I have the first three chapters, or the complete manuscript, ready for you to view.
The Gauntlet is a completed manuscript of approximately 90,000 words based on my own experiences working in the nightclub industry. I am querying (insert agency name) due to your reputable experience representing… I would be pleased to forward to you a partial or complete look at The Gauntlet.
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